


Love Isn't Always On Time

by youvebeenlivingfictional



Category: Captain America, Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Racism, Period-Typical Sexism, Polyamory, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2020-03-26 06:51:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 29,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19000588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youvebeenlivingfictional/pseuds/youvebeenlivingfictional
Summary: In another time, in my life there before this one, I might’ve smiled, unfolded my arms, been open. But the last few years had been so unsure, and the last three days had been hell.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is just something that's been kicking around in my head for a while sooo yeah. Here ya go!

My head was killing me. The light shining in my eyes made me feel sick. I glanced over at the two-way mirror, sure I knew who was behind it. I winced as the door slammed shut behind me. I didn’t turn to see who it was.   
  
“It’s nice to see you in one piece.” He sounded sincere at least. I glanced up at him, watching as he lowered himself into the seat in front of me and glancing at the file in front of him.  
  
He opened it, giving it a once-over before he pushed it aside, folding his hands on the table. In another time, in my life there before this one, I might’ve smiled, unfolded my arms, been open. But the last few years had been so unsure, and the last three days had been hell.   
  
“I just… Need you to explain how—“   
  
“Cut the crap, Coulson. You and I both know I’m not the reason I’m back here.”   
  
Phil sighed, taking a moment to gather himself.   
  
“Your tone implies that you don’t believe that S.H.I.EL.D has been doing everything in its power to get you back here.”   
  
“It’s been eight years.”   
  
Coulson went quiet for a moment, brow furrowing.   
  
“Eight… Agent, it has hardly been a day.”   
  
I opened my mouth to retort, but I couldn’t speak. Coulson leaned forward, concern clear on his face.   
  
“I’m going to need you to tell me everything that happened to you.”  
  
“What year is it?” I asked, ignoring Coulson’s question. Coulson pulled his phone out to prove what he told me: 

“It’s 2012.”   



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When I’d been recruited by S.H.I.E.L.D, I had never imagined I’d wind up where I was. 
> 
> “This is deeper than deep cover. If you have any reservations about this, you need to voice them now.” 
> 
> “I understand, Director Fury. But I’m ready for this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full quotes in italics indicate scenes set in the ‘past’ (the quotes around that will make more sense in a bit ;) )
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: Cursing, some violence (not graphic)

“ _Your mission is simple_.”

The words rang through my head every day, over the sound of my fingers flying over typewriter keys.

“ _You will appear in an alley on March 3rd, 1937, in New York City at 3:03. You will go around the corner, get a news paper, circle the block once, and then return to where you appeared by 3:08. We will pull you back. Should anything happen, you are to keep a low profile, stay in New York, and return to that spot every day at 3:08 until we pull you back. Am I understood?_ ”

I cursed under my breath as I straightened up, leaning forward and un-sticking the ribbon.

“Y’alright back there?”

I looked up to see my friend Madge looking back at my quizzically. I nodded, smiling.

“The ribbon,” I excused, shaking my head and settling back in my seat, pulling my handkerchief out to rid myself of the dark spots made by the ink. I glanced over at the clock. Nearly 3.

“I’m going to grab my lunch,” I said, pulling the letter is transcribed out of my typewriter and setting it in my ‘out’ tray.

“You always eat so late. How does it not ruin your appetite for dinner?” Madge asked as I covered my typewriter. I shrugged, smiling.

“I eat dinner late, too. I’ll be back in a few!”

When I’d been recruited by S.H.I.E.L.D, I had never imagined I’d wind up where I was.

“ _This is deeper than deep cover. If you have any reservations about this, you need to voice them now.”_

_“I understand, Director Fury. But I’m ready for this.”_

Maybe it was stupid to go back to that alley every day, with a newspaper from that day. It wasn’t as if it was to show them that I’d completed my mission, but that I’d repeated it time and time again, every day. Something to shove in their faces, and ask them what the hell they were thinking before taking a hammer to their stupid machine myself.

I eyed the date at the top of the paper, June 8th, 1940.

Three years. 

It had been a hell of an adjustment.

S.H.I.E.L.D had set me up for an emergency: money, a fake social security card, a passport and an ID. I learned quickly that $25 went a lot farther in this time than it did in mine. I’d spent that first night tired and scared and alone in a boarding house. I didn’t sleep; I couldn’t, I was jumpy, itching to stay in the alley on the off-chance they’d be trying to pull me back, terrified that I’d missed them.

The next day was much of the same. By the end of the first month, I had gotten myself a regular room in a nicer boarding house, and was interviewing for jobs. A week after that, I became part of the secretarial pool at Harper, Cheswick, and Lowe. It was three blocks away from what I had come to think of as  _my_  alley.

It was a quiet spot; I’d never seen anyone else in there when I’d been in, even when I’d hung around for a few hours. Which was why I was very, very surprised to see someone else there.

Well, a couple of people, actually. One large guy whaling on a smaller fellow. The smaller guy was putting up a hell of a fight, and it looked like he was getting in a couple of good hits, but no way did he have a chance against the guy hitting him.

“Hey,” I snapped. The larger guy turned to face me, fist still raised. His eyes narrowed at me.

“Run along, Miss,” he said before he made to turn back to the smaller guy.

“Yeah, the thing is,” I spoke up, stepping closer, “I’m not gonna run anywhere. And you’re gonna leave him alone.”

The man turned back to me, lowering his fist to his side. I could see him bristling with anger. I steadied myself as he stepped closer. It had been awhile since I’d needed to fight, but I was still pretty confident  in my abilities... even if the guy was a fair bit larger than me as well.

“I’m really not in the mood. Please don’t make me hit a lady—“ he started, ignoring the smaller guy’s protests in the back as he got closer.

“I’m not making you do shit,” I said lightly, “you’re choosing to hurt someone right now. I suggest you leave. Here, I’ll even step aside so you can.” I did as I said, taking a step to the side. The man stared daggers at me before turning back to look at the smaller guy, who had propped himself up against some garbage cans.

“Runt ain’t fuckin’ worth it, anyway,” the man grumbled as he pushed past me. I watched him go, making sure he wasn’t coming back before I turned back to the other guy, crouching next to him as he gathered himself.

“Are you alright?” I asked softly. He glanced up at me, a little red in the face as he nodded. Up close, there was something familiar about him, someone I could swear I’d seen in a history book.

“I appreciate the help, Miss, but I had that handled.” I smiled a little. The guy had guts, I’d have to give him that.

“You’re bleeding,” I said, pulling my handkerchief out of my pocket.

“Here.”

He took it, dabbing at his lip and wincing.

“Jesus, Steve,” Our heads turned to see a tall man standing in the alleyway.

“I leave you alone for five minutes,” he went on. I straightened, holding my hand out for the guy (Steve, apparently). He took it, letting me help him up.

“Friend of yours?” I asked, nodding to the man that was coming closer. He nodded, mumbling, “He’s alright.” I glanced down at my watch. 3:10, and nothing. I shook my head.

“I’ll leave you to your friend, then,” I said, nodding to them.

“Your handkerchief—“ Steve started, but I waved him off.

“I’ve got another,” I said before I turned, leaning the alley with my paper in hand. As I walked back to work, I couldn’t help but wonder, about the familiarity of his face, the way his name seemed to suit and stirred something up in me.

At 4:16 that afternoon, my typewriter ribbon stuck, and I sat frozen for a moment. I had just stopped Captain America from getting his ass kicked.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t go out often, but I couldn’t bring myself to say no when Madge invited me out that Friday with a few of her friends. I was lonely, and hoping that S.H.I.E.L.D was going to reach through time and pull me back could only get me so far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings for this chapter I don't think :)

_“If, somehow, you become stuck... You may be tempted to try and stop certain events, but you have to understand, you cannot change things. You may think that you can change the world for the better, but we have no way of knowing the effects that you your actions in the past would have on our present.”_

_“‘But no matter what I do back there, I’m going to effect people.”_

_“Not if everything goes right.”_

“‘Scuse me?”

I stepped to the side, assuming that the words were meant to get me to move and give better access to the bar.

I didn’t go out often, but I couldn’t bring myself to say no when Madge invited me out that Friday with a few of her friends. I was lonely, and hoping that S.H.I.E.L.D was going to reach through time and pull me back could only get me so far. And Madge was a sweetie. Had a steady, did her best to set me up with friends of his. I always politely declined; I wasn’t ready to date anyone, I told her. Her response was always to shake her head, roll her eyes; she called me a career woman and told me that we wouldn’t be young forever.

“Miss?”

I looked away from the glass in my hand to see and an attractive young man standing in front of me. He sounded familiar, but I couldn’t place him.

“Yes?” I asked, keeping my tone crisp and polite.

“I just wanted to thank you for helping my friend the other day, in the alley?” Remembrance dawned on me, but I schooled my face into a small, unaffected smile.

“You really don’t have to thank me for that,” I waved him off lightly. He nodded.

“I do, actually. I seen ‘im come out of fights worse off than he was. He said you talked the guy down. Maybe you could teach him to do that sometime, he tends to leap without looking. For a good reason, though,” the man justified quickly.

“He’s not a hothead or anything, just...”

“Needs a little help picking his battles?” I filled in. The man smiled, and I felt warmth roll through me. He had a beautiful smile.

“Exactly,” he nodded, “Anyway, I just wanted to come over, say thanks.”

“Glad I could help.”

“I’m Bucky, by the way,” he said, transferring what hand his drink was in to hold his right out for me to shake.

“Bucky?” I repeated, managing only just barely managing to hold back my incredulity. It was one thing to suspect that Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, sniper of the Howling Commandos was standing in front of you, but it was another thing entirely to hear it.

“Nickname. Middle name’s Buchanan and— It’s a long story,” he laughed, “Still don’t know your name, though.”

“I’m—“ I started, only to turn when Madge called my name out to catch my attention. Both Bucky and I looked in her direction before I jerked my thumb over my shoulder.

“What she said. I should probably—“

“Yeah! Yeah, ‘course.” Bucky nodded. He seemed a little disappointed, but I pushed the thought away.

“It was nice to meet you, Bucky. And try to keep your friend out of trouble, huh?” I teased. Bucky laughed.

“Your lips to god’s ears, doll,” he said before we parted ways.

“Who was that?” Madge asked when I returned to our table on the edge of the dance floor. I shrugged.

“I helped a friend of his the other day, he just wanted to say thanks.” I took a sip of my drink as I looked around. Madge was eerily quiet for a moment, and I followed her gaze to where Bucky was standing with a few other people.

“Madge, would you quit staring at him like that?” I asked, leaning back in my seat.

“He’s a cutie, don’tchya think?” She asked. I shrugged.

“I guess.” Madge rolled her eyes.

“I can’t work you out,” She said, resting her chin on her hand and looking me over.

“Perfectly nice looking guy starts talking to you and just drop him.”

“I dropped him because you called me over,” I pointed out.

“Oh, sure. Blame me,” Madge pouted. I smiled, shaking my head. I felt as though someone was watching me, and I turned my head, looking around as casually as possible to mark its source.

It was Bucky, watching me with this little furrow in his brow, like he was trying to work me out. When he realized I was looking back, his face broke out into his easy smile, and I couldn’t help but feel myself mirror him.

“Go talk to him,” Madge nudged me, and I looked away, down into my drink as I mumbled something about not being interested.

Neither of us believed me.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That was how I found myself sitting at the end of the boys’ couch, with Steve cross-legged and leaning back against the arm on the other side, sketching my profile.

“ _It would be impossible to exist then without some human connection, but you must be selective. Else—“_

 _“Ripples. I know._ ”  
  


“So you’ve always lived in Brooklyn?” Steve asked before adding, “don’t turn your head!”

I laughed, unable to help it as I turned to face forward again. I’d run into Bucky a couple more times. I swore it was by coincidence, though I felt like I asked Madge, she’d tell me that she’d passed on where we worked to him after I’d left that night. The first time had been by the alley again. The second had been on the train on the way home. He’d pointed that it was late, offered to walk me home.

Bucky was pleasant to talk to and less of a flirt than I’d thought he’d be. He’d invited me out to a couple of drinks with him and Steve, and when those apparently hadn’t ended in complete disaster, they asked me over for dinner. That was how I found myself sitting at the end of the boys’ couch, with Steve cross-legged and leaning back against the arm on the other side, sketching my profile.

I must’ve turned my head a bunch of times to look at him while we spoke. I managed to stop laughing, clearing my throat.

“Nah. Ma moved us here in ‘28.”

“Where from?”

“Arlington Heights. It’s near Chicago.”

It was hardly the first lie I’d told since my arrival; Brooklyn born and raised in my past, their future, but I couldn’t tell them. I had no one in the ‘40s, no ties to bind me to then and make my alibis anything but implausible.

“Why’d she bring you guys here?”

“We thought my dad was here.” The way I phrased that answer always stopped people from pressing further, and it worked with Steve, too.

“Your ma still live around here?” Bucky asked, I could feel him watching me and Steve from their small kitchen. I gave my head a small, single shake, and we all went quiet for a moment.

I swallowed thickly, lowering my eyes to my lap. For a former government whose family thought she worked in Agriculture, I wasn’t the biggest fan of lying. A friend of mine had always told me that I was in the wrong business.

“How long have you worked at that ... place?” Bucky asked. I smiled a little.

“I’ve been at HCL for three years.”

“HCL? That what all you gals in the secretarial pool call it?” I fought the urge to turn my head as I heard Bucky draw closer. He added, “She allowed to turn her head, or are you still workin’?” Stevie made a grunt that I supposed meant, ‘it’s fine,’ because a moment later, Bucky was at the arm of the couch and murmuring, “Here, try.”

I turned my head to see Bucky holding out a wooden spoon with some sauce on it. I leaned in, taking a little taste before my eyes widened.

“I need that recipe,” I said, looking up at Bucky, “that’s delicious!” He grinned, straightening and heading back to the kitchen.

“Can I look yet?” I asked, scooching a little closer to Steve. He glanced over the top of his pad before he shook his head, mumbling, “not yet.”

“Don’t keep her waiting too long, Stevie,” Bucky chimed in from the kitchen. I leaned back against the couch, resting my elbow against the couch and propping my head up on it. Bucky had more ease in his kitchen that half of the men I knew in the 21st century.

“Can I help set the table at least?” I asked.

“What is it with you? You ever relax?” Bucky asked. I shook my head.

“Not really my thing. ‘Sides, I been sitting all day.”

“Let Steve finish up,” Bucky threw me a wink. I turned back to look at Steve, who seemed to be very focused on the sketch. I watched him quietly for a few moments. I grew up hearing stories about Steve Rogers the war hero, not Steve Rogers the artist. He glanced up at me, and seemed to be surprised to find me looking at him. I smiled as a light flush quickly spread from his ears to his cheeks. He ducked his head down, leaning in to focus more intently on the sketch. I sank further into their couch, yawning a little and closing my eyes for a moment, listening to the crackle of ‘Begin the Beguine’ on their record player.

———

“I’m cooking next time. S’only fair,” I said, looking between Bucky and Steve. Bucky waved me off.

“Long as you’re a guest here, you’re not doing any’a the cooking.”

“That’s not fair. Not that I’m saying I can rival your ma’s sauce recipe, but I’m pretty good.”

“You sure you don’t want any more dessert?” Steve asked. I shook my head.

“I’m stuffed. And it’s getting late, I should be heading home.”

“We’ll walk you,” Steve and Bucky said nearly at the same time, and I snorted, sitting up.

“You guys don’t have to, I’m not very far away,” I insisted. It turned into a light argument that I lost.

I walked home between them, all our hands tucked into our pockets, as if the each of us was deeply unsure of the other. I bid them goodnight, pressing light kisses to each of their cheeks and clutching the sketch Steve had done of me as I returned to my room.

——-

The problem was that I genuinely liked being around Steve and Bucky. They were sweet, polite, funny. But they were too close to history. Hell, they  _were_  history. Ihad grown up down the block from where they’d once lived; the apartment building had a plaque at the front saying that that was where Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes had lived before the war.

It wasn’t wise of me to be anywhere near them for any reason— I’d been warned repeatedly of ripples, affecting the future. But some small, stupid part of me figured that as long as I didn’t change either of them going to war, everything would be as it was.

And that was the part that I listened to.

———-

**_2012_ **

“What’s going on?” Maria Hill rounded the control panel, watching as the technician’s fingers frantically flew over the keys.

“The surge sending her out knocked out half of the facility’s power.”

“What about the generators?”

“We’re trying to get them back online.” Hill didn’t like the waver if the tech’s voice as he said that.

“Keep working at it. Coulson, radio with any updates,” She said before turning on her heel and leaving the lab. Director Fury would not be happy to hear this.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madge had gone out of her way to invite Bucky and I to a little get-together at her place. I had asked if I could bring Steve along as well, and Madge had agreed. She’d heard a lot about the both of them over the last few months. I could do without her smug comments about knowing she’d been right about Bucky since she saw him, especially when I had to frequently remind her that I wasn’t dating him, or Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Some violence mentioned

 

_“You’re prepared to never see your family again?”_

_“We’re not close.”_

_“Anyone you may be romantically entangled with?“_

_“There’s no one. Though I’m sure you already knew that.”_

_The slight curl of Fury’s lip told me I was right._

“There’s a young man downstairs for you.” The gruff voice of my landlady, Mrs. Devnick, jolted me out of my reading. I shut my book, setting it on my desk before grabbing my jacket and purse.

I only really knew two men, and I wondered which of the two it was.

When I heard giggling at the foot of the stairs, I knew it was Bucky. I rolled my eyes at the sight of the two young women vying for his attention. Dolores and Anna were sweet girls, really. I didn’t know them particularly well, but they had always been nice to me. I reached the bottom of the staircase before I cleared my throat. They all turned to look at me, and Dolores and Anna’s faces fell as Bucky’s brightened.

“There you are, doll. Ready to go?” I nodded, giving Dolores and Anna a quick wave goodbye before stepping outside ahead of Bucky.

“Steve still in class?” I asked as Bucky and I crossed the street together. He nodded.

“Says he’s gonna meet us after.”

Madge had gone out of her way to invite Bucky and I to a little get-together at her place. I had asked if I could bring Steve along as well, and Madge had agreed. She’d heard a lot about the both of them over the last few months. I could do without her smug comments about knowing she’d been right about Bucky since she saw him, especially when I had to frequently remind her that I wasn’t dating him, or Steve.

“You’re wearing pants.” Madge sounded almost put out at the sight. I looked down at my outfit, an ensemble that I’d thought was quite chic when I’d put it together.

“Yeah. Cute, don’t you think?” I asked. Madge gave an incredibly unimpressed look before she turned away, nodding me in the direction of the opposite counter to help fill a small tray with finger foods.

“Some’a John’s friends are here and he told them about you and you’re wearing pants,”  She grumbled. I rolled my eyes, turning back to Madge.

“I don’t need to be set up, you know. And you didn’t need to be sneaky about it. If you didn’t want me dressing this way, you should’ve said.”

“I didn’t think you dressed like that outside of work!” She said, “And that kind of outfit suits for the office, sure, but no man is going to marry you for your typing skills. You’ve got a darling figure, I don’t know why you don’t show it off more.”

I didn’t answer, putting my focus into my tray organization. Madge sounded like my grandmother, and I’d always hated those little pep talks she’d given me. It wasn’t wholly her fault. It was just the times.

“That look will give you frown lines, too,” She tacked on, passing me to go into the living room. I stopped, resting my hands on the counter and taking a deep breath.

“You okay in here?” I looked up to see Bucky leaning in the doorway, smiling. I nodded, straightening.

“Fine. You okay out there?” He nodded.

“Just fine. Just uh— ... Steve ain’t here yet.” I frowned. It was nearly two hours after his class was set to end.

“I got a bad feeling,” Bucky added, straightening, “You know how he gets in trouble”. I nodded.

“What do you want to do?” I asked.

“I think I should go look for ‘im.”

“I’ll come with you.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I wanna. We can split up, cover more ground faster.”

——-

We checked all the usual places, some of the unusual ones. No sign of Steve.

“Maybe he’s just home,” Bucky said when we met back up. I could hear the worry in his voice, and I reached out, resting my hand on his shoulder.

“Maybe he was just tired after his class,” I offered as we headed in the direction of their apartment.

“You could go back to the party if you wanted. I’m sure it’s still going,” Bucky offered. I shook my head.

“I don’t think so. I’m a little underdressed for it.” Bucky’s brow furrowed and he turned to look at me, confused. I waved it off, mumbling, “Never mind.”

“Well hey you could always...” Bucky started before he trailed off. We were near the front steps of their building now, and there was a small figure hunched over on the front steps, shivering a little.

“Steve?” He called out. The figure’s head lifted, and I gasped, unable to help it. His nose was bloody, his right eye was near swollen shut. I hurried forward, gently cupping his chin to get a good look.

“What happened?” Bucky asked, sounding almost tired.

“Couldn’t find my key,” Steve mumbled.

“So, what, the door beat you up?”

“Bucky,” I warned gently before turning back to Steve.

“Let’s get you inside.”

——

“‘M fine, honest.”

It had to be the tenth time Steve had said it since we’d gotten him upstairs. Bucky hadn’t said much, just grabbed their kit from what I’d come to know as its usual place. I sat on their coffee table, checking Steve’s nose for any sign of fracture or break while Bucky sat beside him, cleaning Steve’s bloody knuckles. 

“What happened?” I asked quietly. Steve didn’t answer at first. Then,

“Drunk guy was following a woman home. He wouldn’t leave ‘er alone, started grabbing at her.” I nodded, leaning back a little bit.

“Well, it’s not broken. It’ll be swollen for a couple of days, though.” Bucky got up, stepping away from the couch. I shifted to where he’d been, taking hold of Steve’s hand gently and wrapping his knuckles with sure hands.

“... how do you know it ain’t broken?” He sounded more curious than suspicious.

“It’s not crooked or funny-looking. The bleeding’s stopped, your nose doesn’t have mucus coming out of it. Did you hear a cracking nose when I touched it?”

“No.”

“Not broken.”

“Sounds like you’ve had one before,” he said. I nodded, but didn’t give any other answer.

“Roll up a blanket or something, tuck it under your pillow so your head’s up a bit more. It’ll be easier to sleep.” Steve went very quiet, and I could feel him watching me.

“How are we doing in here?” Bucky asked, coming back in.

“Better,” I glanced up at him, shifting to the side as he lowered himself to my previous spot on the coffee table. I stood, looking down at my hands to find them splotched with Steve’s blood.

“I’m just gonna,” I nodded to the kitchen. The guys nodded, and I turned away from them, running the water and scrubbing furiously with the cloth Bucky had used to clean the blood off of Steve’s face. I could hear whispers from behind me, a huff from Bucky and an affectionate mumble of, “ _Stevie_.”

As worried as he could get, Bucky was a big softie when it came to Steve. I could see it in his face, hear it in his voice when he talked about him. I had suspected they were a little closer than best friends after spending time with them, but the scene when I turned back to face them damn-near confirmed them.

Bucky’s head was tilted, eyes half-closed as he leaned away from Steve, one hand cradling the other’s bruised cheek. I averted my eyes again as Bucky’s lifted, not wanting them to know they'd been caught out.

“I should go,” I said, nodding over my shoulder.

“I’ll walk ya,” Bucky offered, but I waved him off.

“You help Steve get settled in. I’ll be fine, promise,” I smiled. I stepped closer to the couch, depositing kisses to the each of their foreheads before seeing myself out.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was getting harder and harder to ignore what would be.

 

_2012  
_

_“How long has it been?” Coulson turned to see Fury striding into the lab with Hill close behind._

_“Twelve minutes, sir.”_

_“Any signals from the agent?”_

_“None.”_

_“And no way to communicate.”_

_“No, sir.” Coulson hesitated._

_“You and Director Pierce agreed-“_

_“I know what we agreed, agent,” Fury snapped. Coulson closed his mouth, biting back a retort as they all turned to look at the still-smoking framework of the machine._

**1941**

It was getting harder and harder to ignore what would be. I woke up on November 7th knowing that the attack on Pearl Harbor was a month away. Everything in me wanted to warn someone, somehow, but there was no way to do so without sounding like an absolute lune, or being looked into. I wasn’t exactly there through legal means in the eyes of this government.

Besides, if I found a way to stop the States from joining the war, who knew what effect that would have on the future?

I stood in my alley, eyeing the headlines on the newspaper. I’d considered going to Europe to aid where I could, but visas were hard to come back these days, and required official documents that I did not have.

I glanced up when I heard the sound of people’s voices approaching. I glanced up at the sound, watching as a few people passed by before I lowered my eyes back to the paper. I glanced down at my watch.

3:10.

I took a deep breath, rolling the newspaper up and tossing it into a trash bin with more force than necessary.

Why was I still doing this? It had been five years. I was never making it home.

——-

“Did we... do something?” The crest-fallen-kicked-puppy look on Steve’s face made me feel worse than rotten.

I’d stopped seeing the boys months ago, cancelling dinner a couple of times, changing the route I walked home. Distance, I’d told myself. It was safer that way. Bucky would be shipped off in a couple of years, Steve would be injected with the serum, and I would lose them both. I’d thought it would be easier to cut myself off from them well before it could happen. Maybe I wouldn’t feel the loss so sharply.

“No, of course you didn’t,” I said, shaking my head, “I’m sorry, I... Just needed a little time to myself.” Steve didn’t look entirely convinced, lips pursing.

“Look, if it’s because of me and Buck—“ he started. I could recognize it by then, that ‘I can do this all day’ set of his jaw. I hated that he was always ready for a fight, but in this case I could understand.

I’d walked in on the two of them getting hot and heavy: Steve straddling Bucky’s thighs; Bucky’s hands under Steve’s shirt, exposing his pale skin and ribcage, small and fragile as a baby bird; Steve’s hands fisted in Bucky’s hair, holding him like he’d die if Bucky pulled away. And then, panic. Bucky nearly dropped Steve, standing to tell me that it wasn’t what it looked like, with Steve staring me down behind him, daring me to disagree or have a problem with it.

I’d reassured them both that I didn’t care, that it was fine. Unfortunately it’d coincided with my decision to isolate myself only a week later.

“I told you, whatever you and Bucky get up to is your business. Doesn’t change how I see either of you,” I reassured. His shoulders sagged where they’d tensed.

“What is it, then?”

I didn’t answer for a moment. I couldn’t. I was filled with so much anger and sadness and hurt and regret that they were choking me. I hadn’t even realized I’d started crying until Steve was pulling me into a hug and telling me  _not_  to cry. 

I couldn’t stop it. I’d felt so alone for so long, before Bucky and Steve. Separating from them  had been more painful than I’d thought it would be. I pulled away from Steve, frustratedly pushing my tears away.

“Sorry,” I mumbled before swallowing thickly, “I haven’t um... haven’t been feeling so well.”

“Think Bucky and I could make you feel a bit better?” The hopefulness in Steve’s tone made me smile, and I nodded, letting him take me by the hand.

——-

“You’re gonna catch your death,” Bucky was worrying over both of us now. It had started to rain on our way back to their apartment, and neither Steve or I were dressed for it. Between that and the November chill, we’d both been shivering by the time we arrived.

Steve caught it worse— he always did. He’d changed and been bundled into a blanket while I’d wrung my hair out over the sink.

“Let’s get you something dry to wear,” Bucky said, leading the way back to his room. I followed, arms wrapped around myself. Bucky rifled through his drawers, pulling out a Henley and a pair of long drawers.

“Here. You can hang up your clothes and your uh... Underthings over there,” he waved over to a small rack in the corner of the room. I nodded.

“Thanks,” I said softly. He nodded, stepping closer and taking my face in his hands.

“Do us a favor and don’t fall off the Earth like that again, huh? We missed you.” I felt tears spring up in my eyes again, unable to help it, and ducked my head to hide them from Bucky. He pressed a kiss to my hair, rubbing his hands up and down my arms.

“Get your wet clothes off let’s get you warmed up.”

When I re-emerged from Bucky’s room, I found Steve and Bucky curled up on the couch, speaking in low voices. I stood quietly, fingers twisting in the fabric of my shirt, unsure of what to do with myself. Steve spotted me first, smiling, and scooted back, creating space between himself and Bucky. 

I hesitantly walked around the couch, hesitantly lowering myself into to space left. Bucky and Steve crowded in, pulling their near threadbare blanket over me. Steve’s nose was cold; Bucky’s arm was warm as it wrapped around me. I rested one hand on each of their legs, sinking back into the cushions of their couch and feeling whole.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was suddenly regretting the fact that dance lessons hadn’t been very high up in my research when preparing for this particular mission. I’d never felt so uncoordinated in my life as I did in Bucky’s arms.

“I don’t know how, but you’re worse than Stevie,” Bucky said amusedly. I huffed, pushing at his shoulder with the hand that was  already resting there. Bucky had made the mistake of asking me to dance around the living room with him, and I had made the mistake of telling him that I didn’t know how to dance.

“I mean him I can at least talk into a whirl around the living room from time to time but— you’ve  _never_  done this?”

I was suddenly regretting the fact that dance lessons hadn’t been very high up in my research when preparing for this particular mission. I’d never felt so uncoordinated in my life as I did in Bucky’s arms.

“Shit, sorry,” I said as I stepped on Bucky’s foot for what had to be the twelfth time that evening. He laughed.

“S’okay,” he said, smiling, adding, “Hang on,” as he stepped away from me. I wrapped my arms around myself self-consciously as I watched him change out the record.

“I still think one of us should’ve gone with him,” I said. Bucky shook his head.

“Steve wanted to be alone. He likes to talk to his ma when he’s out there, gets embarrassed with other people around.” I understood, but I had hated the sight of Steve in his best clothes, heading out to get flowers before going to the cemetery.

“What about your mom?”

“I’ve got dinner at hers tonight, with Steve. You should come, too,” Bucky smiled mischievously from where he was crouched beside the record player. I shook my head.

“I don’t think your mother would appreciate you bringing some random girl to her Mother’s Day dinner.”

“You ain’t some random girl. She knows about you. Chompin’ at the bit to meet you, too,” Bucky said, straightening up to put on another record. My brows rose.

“You told your mother about me?” I asked.

“Course I did. I mean, you practically live with us,” Bucky pointed out, “and I swear my ma’s got eyes and ears everywhere. She would’ve found out sooner or later. Didn’t want her getting the wrong idea.”

And what idea would that be? I didn’t have time to dwell on it with Bucky slotting me back into his arms.

“Alright, this one’s a little slower. Just relax, follow my lead.” I tried to do as I was told, but I kept staring down at our feet, doing my best not to misstep.

“As nice as the top of your head is, doll, I like your eyes better.” Bucky’s tone was soft, teasing. One I’d only heard him use with Steve. Maybe that’s why it startled me so much, leading my head to snap up and smack Bucky in the chin. My hands flew up over my mouth in shock as Bucky’s went to his own to inspect the damage.

“I’m so sorry!” I hissed out between my fingers, mortified. He was laughing, though, a sparkle in his eye as he shook his head.

“C’mere, how about we try it again?” He asked, holding his arms out. I eyed them hesitantly before I stepped into them.

“You have no sense of self-preservation, Barnes.”

——-

“You didn’t have to stay in with me, you know. You’d’ve had more fun with Bucky.”   
  
I rolled my eyes, plopping onto the couch beside Steve and opening my book.   
  
“I don’t think so. I didn’t wanna crash his set-up with Dorothy.”   
  
“How’d he even meet her?” I raised a brow at the grumble in Steve’s tone, and turned to look at him. He wasn’t looking at me, but I could see the set of his brow. It was a look that I’d come to know as extreme irritation, and maybe a little jealousy.   
  
I hadn’t said a thing about him and Bucky since Steve had come to mine to check on me. I didn’t want to make them uncomfortable, have them feel like they needed to watch their actions around me. They trusted me, and it wasn’t as if I’d ever say a word to anyone.

“He met her when he came to pick me up a few weeks ago,” I said.

“What’s she like?”

“Nice, I guess. I don’t know her all that well.” I turned the page of my book.

“Why’d you decide to hang around here?” Steve asked. I felt my stomach seize with panic, and I glanced over at him.

“I can… I mean if you wanna be alone, I can—“

“No!” Steve looked horrified by the suggestion, setting his pad aside and turning to face me.

“That wasn’t what I meant at all, I just— Aw jeez,” he ended in a mumble, pushing his bangs back from his face. I smiled a little bit.

“Then what’d ya mean?”

“Just… I don’t want you to feel like you have to hang out here ‘cause Bucky’s out.”

“I don’t feel like that,” I reassured, “I’m here because I like being around you.”

I don’t think I’d ever in my life seen a man go red so fast.

“Oh,” he said. I smiled, turning and picking my book back up.

There was another moment of quiet before Steve spoke up again, “You wanna go do somethin’?”

——-

I didn’t think of it as a date. It was just me and Steve going out to have dinner, and take a walk. Easy.

What made it a little less easy was Steve returning the kiss I gave him on the cheek. We both went red that time.

——-

**_2012_ **

Fury turned away the machine, beckoning Hill to follow him. They stepped into the empty hallway together. 

“That alley. We still have the original photos of it?” Fury asked, turning to Hill.   
  
“Yes,” She confirmed.

“Go to my office, pull them up.”

“Why?”

“I want to see if anything’s changed.” Fury held his finger up to still Hill before she could step away.   
  
“Tell no one.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had permanent sinking guilt in my stomach, the feeling that if I tried hard enough, I could stop all of it alone.

It didn’t happen all at once. We didn’t sit down and talk about it together. Maybe Steve and Bucky had spoken about it amongst themselves, and maybe that’s why one never gave the other an odd look when the other was near me.

Bucky hadn’t been joking— I was at their apartment more than I was at my boarding house. I had some clothing there from the nights it had been too late for me to go back to the boarding house; Bucky had cleared some room in his drawers for my ‘delicates and stuff’; my favorite blanket was in permanent residence on Steve’s bed. I usually curled up with him on the nights I stayed over; he was always cold, and his bed was too small for the three of us to curl up together.

Bucky developed a habit for crowding up behind me in the kitchen, his hands on my waist and his chin on my shoulder when I was cooking. Now and then I’d get a peck on the cheek, or the chin, or the neck. But never on the lips.

Steve was a little slower to show me affection that way, but he liked to hold my hand when we were out together. There were lines that they wouldn’t cross, and I could never tell if it wasn’t so they wouldn’t cross my lines or theirs.

———

December 31st, 1941.

I had to draw the line somewhere.

The country was still reeling from the attack on Pearl Harbor.

I had permanent sinking guilt in my stomach, the feeling that if I tried hard enough, I could stop all of it alone. My position was still tenuous: if I warned the government about these attacks, they’d look into me, and my fake documents would only get me so far.

Apparently Steve had started mentioned enlisting at Sunday dinner with Bucky’s family; Bucky’s mother had teared up; Bucky had came home looking so tired.

But it was  _Steve_. He was determined, told me that he had no right to do any less than any other guy enlisting for the war effort.  

I leaned back against the alley wall, looking down at the paper in my hands, then down to the paint and brush on the ground beside me (I had been dismayed to learn that spray cans hadn’t been invented yet).

It was a long shot, but I opened the paint and took the brush up, and set to work. I must’ve looked a sight, bundled against the cold and so focused on the task in front of me. I set the brush down and picked the paper up, careful as I pasted it to the wall. My eyes wandered the headlines as I did: Venezuela broke off diplomatic relations with Germany, Italy, and Japan; Peggy Guggenheim, a socialite and art collector had married a German sculptor, Max Ernst.

I stepped back, eyeing my message and handiwork before I looked down at my watch.

3:04.

Something in my stomach told me to wait, to give it another four minutes. But I had waited long enough.

I picked up my paint brush and can and left the alley for the last time.

———

**_2012_ **

“Clear the room,” Hill ordered. The technician looked away from his screen, brow furrowing.   
  
“But we… We just got it back up—“  
  
“Clear the room. That’s an order,” Hill said firmly. The technician glanced at Coulson before he got out of his chair, hurrying from the room. Coulson frowned at Hill, shaking his head a little before she nodded him out, too.   
  
Fury shut the door behind them before he rounded the control panel, leaning over Hill as she punched in the coordinates.   
  
“We have one shot at this, I do’t know how long the machine will be down if we don’t get this right,” Hill said, looking back at Fury.  
  
“Do it,” He said. Hill turned toward the machine again, eyeing the archway. The room thrummed as mechanism warmed up.   
  
“Initiating return in five… four… three… two… one.” Hill counted down before flipping the switch. The archway filled with light for ten seconds before offering a clear window to the past. Fury rounded the desk quickly.   
  
“Don’t get too close,” Hill called over the hum of the machine and the howl of the wind coming through. A few papers blew in, some snow.   
  
“The connection’s failing,” Hill warned only a moment before the portal closed, plunging the room into darkness.   
  
Fury turned away from the darkened arch, leaning against the console. He’d been able to read the message as clear as day, as easy as he’d been able to read it from the photo.

_You’re out of time._

_“_ What do you we do now?” Hill asked into the dark. Fury didn’t answer for a moment.  
  
“She’s rogue now.”  
  
“So we’re jut going to leave her?”   
  
Fury took in the horror on Hill’s face as the lights in the room flickered back on.   
  
“No. She considers herself alone there. That means she’ll get sloppy. We know /when/ she is. And we know she’s not the kind to step down from a good fight.” Fury straightened up.   
  
“We need to keep this contained. Tell them to get this machine up again.”  
  
“What’s the plan?” Hill asked, turning to watch Fury as he left the room.  
  
“We look to history,” He called over his shoulder before he yanked the door open and strode out.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had never done well with romance back in the 21st century. Romantic attachments in my field could be dangerous. That didn’t stop people from having them, of course, but I’d never really looked for anything like that. And the one time love had found me, I had shied away and let it go.

“He’s fine,” Bucky said, watching as Steve puked his guts out into a trash can.

“You’re kidding, right?” I asked, unamused as I rubbed Steve’s back in soothing circles.

“I mean... mostly fine. You had fun right, Stevie?” Bucky asked. Steve straightened up, wiping his mouth and glowering at Bucky. I shook my head, turning back and looking at the Cyclone. I’d been on it countless when I was younger, but it was a sight to see now.

I could not imagine how Steve would react to going on the Kingda Ka at Six Flags.

I was brought back to myself when I heard Steve say my name for what must’ve been the third or fourth time.

“Huh?” I asked.

“You okay?”

I nodded.

“Let’s get you some water,” I said, wrapping my arm around Steve’s shoulders.

“And some cotton candy,” Bucky tacked on, wrapping his arm around my waist. Steve grimaced.

“I think just the water for now.”

——-

“Babydoll,” Bucky mumbled, sweet and swaying a little.

He’d gone out with a few of his buddies and come back smelling of sweat and alcohol. I shushed him, pressing a glass of water into his hand and trying to get him to sit.

“Where’s Stevie?” He asked as he sat, eyeing the sketch pad on the coffee table.

“Asleep,” I said.

“The cough any better?”

“A little. Says his throat hurts less now.” Bucky nodded, draining the glass of water before waving me into his arms. I smiled a little, scooching across the couch and settling in. He sighed, wrapping his arms around me and pressing his face into my hair.

“Thanks for stayin’ with him.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Buck.”

“Wanna.” I tipped my head up to look at him. Our lips brushed and we froze. Neither of us moved for a moment, stunned. I was going to apologize, but Bucky leaned in for another kiss before I could say a word.

I had never done well with romance back in the 21st century. Romantic attachments in my field could be dangerous. That didn’t stop people from having them, of course, but I’d never really looked for anything like that. And the one time love had found me, I had shied away and let it go.

This was different. I thought about Steve and Bucky all the time when I wasn’t with them. When I was with them, I felt safe, relaxed. I didn’t like being trapped in the past, but I loved being with them. I was in love with them.

Bucky drew me in, a hand sliding into my hair as we kissed. My hand settled on his cheek, stroking over his stubble (he needed a shave; Steve had told him as much that morning).

 _Steve_.   
  
I jerked away from Bucky, hand flying up to my mouth as though I could take back what I’d done. Bucky was watching me, surprised, lips still half-pursed. My eyes darted to them before I pulled away from him.   
  
“You should go to bed. We should go to— You’ve had a long night,” I said, voice steeled even as my face went red.   
  
“You need sleep.”   
  
Bucky was quiet, watching me for a moment before he pushed himself off of the couch. He wavered for a moment before he walked past me. I flinched when he kissed my cheek.   
  
“Sorry, babydoll,” He said softly. I shook my head.   
  
“S’okay,” I gave him a tight smile. He nodded. I wrapped my arms around myself and watched him walk down the hall. He hesitated at his door before he turned and went into Steve’s room, the door shutting behind him with a soft ‘click’.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The spring of 1942 was almost like a dream.

Steve would’ve had to be an idiot to not notice the stony silence that persisted between Bucky and myself for the next week. He didn’t hover around me in the kitchen, or talk me into taking a spin around the living room. We barely spoke to one another, except where Steve was concerned. I couldn’t look Bucky in the eye; I could barely look at Steve, either.

“So we’re just not gonna talk about it?” Steve’s words were stifling in the already small kitchen. I didn’t answer, instead pushing my food around the plate in an attempt to cool it. Bucky let out a quiet, warning, “Steve.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” I said. I could feel their eyes on me, but I was determined not to meet their gazes.

“Sure there is. You and Bucky kissed.” Steve’s tone had the flatness of a man discussing the weather forecast.

“It didn’t mean anything,” I said.

“To you,” Came Bucky’s mumble. My eyes lifted then, taking in the sour features of the man sitting across from me.

“Excuse me?” I asked softly.

“To you. It didn’t mean anything  _to you_. No offense, but I’d rather you not speak for me, doll.” Ileaned back in my seat, folding my arms across my chest defensively.

“Well, what did it mean to you, James?” He bristled at the use of his first name, sitting up and mirroring my pose.

“I thought we were getting somewhere.”

“I didn’t know there was anywhere to get to.”

“Oh come on,” Bucky scoffed.

“Buck, if she doesn’t feel the same way as us, it’s alright,” Steve reasoned, resting his hand on Bucky’s arm. Bucky didn’t glanced over at Steve, some of the tension dropping from his face.

“What do you mean, the same way as ‘us’?” I asked slowly. Steve didn’t answer at first, sharing another look with Bucky. I almost hated it when they did that; I felt on the outside, like I wasn’t being let in on a good joke.

I watched Steve get out of his seat and step around the table to me. I swore I could feel the nerves rolling off of him in waves.  
  
“You know we care about you,” He said. I nodded.   
  
“Course. And I care about you guys.”   
  
“I know.  _We_  know.” His hand reached out to cup my cheek, hesitating and freezing mid air before it finished the journey, thumb skimming my cheekbone. I could feel Bucky watching us, likely as tense as I felt. Steve hinged at the waist, leaning in.

“Steve,” I mumbled, dazed as he grew closer. He met my eyes, tearing his gaze away from my lips, and I hated the fear I saw there. I finished the journey for the both of us, pressing my lips gently to his. He grunted in surprise before he relaxed a little. I reached out, gripping one of his suspenders to keep him from pulling away. He rested his forehead against mine, smiling as the kiss broke.   
  
“I think she likes us, Buck,” He teased.   
  
“I can see that, Stevie.” I turned my head to see Bucky looking relieved. I gave him a small smile.   
  
“I’m sorry about this week.” He shook his head, waving me off.   
  
“Not like either of us handled it particularly well, babydoll.” He paused, glancing at Steve, then back at me.   
  
“You’re gonna have to let him go so he can finish his dinner, though.” I reddened, letting go of Steve’s suspender and looking up at him sheepishly. He was red, too, but grinning. He swooped in for one more peck before he returned to his seat. 

That night, we found a way to all cram into bed together, a tangle of limbs and sleepy smiles.

——

The spring of 1942 was almost like a dream. I felt like I’d found where I was always meant to be. It wasn’t the year, it was the  _people_  (though I wouldn’t lie— I was partial to the Andrew Sisters).   
  
Bucky was out of the house first most mornings, cooked breakfast and left some behind for me and Steve. I was the next one up and out, but not before I nudged Steve out of bed to drink some water and eat a little before I left.   
  
Steve had classes, and a part time job at a nearby general store. When he wasn’t at either, he’d bring me lunch. Madge liked Steve, told me she was glad to see that I’d settled down with someone, finally, and was eating lunch earlier than I used to. Bucky picked me up from work and walked me home most nights, hand in hand and talking our days over.   
  
Evenings were a rotation of who made dinner, who neatened the apartment, and who got to relax. When Bucky, who was working down at the docks, looked particularly tired, Steve and I had an unspoken agreement of who took whatever his shift was that night. He’d often disagree, or try to get us to stop, but he was appeased quickly enough with a kiss and a beer. We sold both beds and bought a bigger one that would fit the three of us more comfortably every night.

Bucky was faster to show physical affection, as he had been before— he often tried to distract me while cooking dinner: cuddling up against me, still kissing my neck, my chin, and my lips now.   
  
I became Steve’s second favorite art subject— I was fine with Bucky being his first and foremost, always, hadn’t been expecting it any other way.   
  
“Y’alright?” Bucky asked me one night. Steve had long since fallen asleep; Bucky had tired him out while I’d cleaned up the living room; I didn’t ask what it entailed:  Bucky’s wink was explanation enough.   
  
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m happy,” I said honestly. Bucky smiled down at me, hair no longer the coiffed perfection I saw when he left for work.   
  
“We’re happy, too.” I knew that, but it was good to hear.   
  
“Stevie doesn’t say it so much.”   
  
Bucky’s eyes drifted to the man behind us.   
  
“Him not saying it doesn’t mean he ain’t thinkin’ it, babydoll.”   
  
“You can read his mind now?”   
  
“Good as. Feels like I’ve known Steve for a hundred years.” I lowered my eyes, tucking my head under Bucky’s chin. Bucky’s hand soothed over my lower back.   
  
“Feels like I’ve known you at least fifty,” he added. I snorted, unable to help it.  
  
“Go to sleep, Barnes. You’ve got an early shift.”   
  
“Yes ma’am,” Bucky mumbled. I fell asleep shortly after he did, head on his chest, my fingers intertwined with Steve’s.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “He tried to enlist again. Apparently the punk’s from Paramus now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The phrase with the * next to it is slang for, ‘Do you have a steady boyfriend?’

“Hey, what do you want for— For dinner— Stevie?” I called out after him, but he was a blonde streak of irritation charging down the hall. I heard Bucky shut the door behind him.  
  
“What was that?” I asked, eyes still on Steve’s door. I heard Bucky sign.  
  
“He tried to enlist again. Apparently the punk’s from Paramus now.” My heart dropped into my stomach. I folded my arms over my chest and cocked my hip, watching the hall like Steve would make a break for Germany alone if we didn’t keep an eye out.  
  
“Of course he did,” I sighed. Bucky hummed, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder.  
  
“I take it it didn’t go well,” I added.  
  
“It did not. He just needs some time to cool down. ‘Sides, I’m takin’ you both out tonight,” Bucky said. I raised a brow.   
  
“What’s the occasion?” I asked, turning my head to look, but he didn’t have the time to answer me. I didn’t even get my head all the way around before my forehead bumped into the brim of his hat. I pulled out of his arms, turning on him and looking him over.

I’d seen Bucky in his dress uniform once before. It was a grainy photograph he’d taken with his mother and sister before shipping off. He’d told me he’d be seeing Rebecca that morning; that photo had already been taken.

He looked handsome and I hated him for it. There was a resignation and calmness to his face that I’d never seen before. His hat was tipped slightly to the side, stylish.

“You got your...” I started. He nodded.

“My orders,” he confirmed softly.

For a woman that had lived in two different eras, I somehow felt that I would never have enough time.

I wasn’t going to cry, not now and definitely not in front of Bucky.

“Where are you taking us?” I asked quietly. He smiled, cupping my chin up and pressing a warm kiss to my lips. I flinched when he said,

“The future.”  

——-

“ _Welcome to the Modern Marvels Pavilion and the world of tomorrow…A greater world… A better world.”_

_  
_ I looked around, amazed that even in the of the worst war in human history, there was such hope for the future. I held Bucky’s hand as we walked, Steve sticking close by on my other side. Bucky was like a kid in a candy store, looking at all of the emerging tech, excitedly pointing things out to me and Steve.

I could tell that it was beyond putting on a brave face. It was his last night in the city and he was doing something he loved with the people he loved. I gave Steve’s hand a squeeze from time to time. I didn’t know what I was trying to reassure him of: that I’d miss Bucky too, that he wouldn’t be alone, that I wasn’t going anywhere. He’d always squeeze back and shoot me a soft smile to let me know he appreciated it.   
  
“Hey!” Bucky gripped my hand, tugging me and Steve toward a stage people were crowded around.   
  
There were women in top hats, tails, and  _shorts_  crowded around a red car.   
  
“ _Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Howard Stark!”_

Tony Stark was the most prolific inventor of my time: rich, brilliant, didn’t do too bad for the ladies. And considering the kiss that his dad planted on one of the showgirls, it was something that ran in the family.

A woman screamed her love for him somewhere in the crowd, and from the little I knew about the inventor, I thought she might actually have a chance with the guy.

“Ladies and gentlemen, what if I told you that in just a few short years, your automobile won’t even have to touch the ground at all?”   
  
I managed to hold in a snort. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone with the fact that the streets were still absolutely littered with cars in 2012. Still, I watched, stunned as the automobile actually hovered for a moment before it spluttered and crashed back to the floor.   
  
“Jeez,” I mumbled, raising a brow.   
  
“Brilliant, ain’t he?” Bucky murmured, nudging me.   
  
“I mean the fact that he even got it off the  _ground_ ,” I shook my head. Howard was still on stage, chucking and taking the applause in.   
  
“Hey Steve,” Bucky piped up, “What do you say we treat our girl to…” He trailed off, and I turned to follow his gaze. Steve was nowhere to be found.   
  
“Where’s he gotten to now?” I asked, looking around to try and spot him in the crowd. Bucky nodded back in the direction of an Uncle Sam poster.   
  
“I think I got some idea,” He said before looking down at me, “Give us a couple of minutes, huh? Grab something to eat,” He said, pressing two quarters into my hand. I nodded, heading for the snack stand but keeping an eye on Bucky on the way.

Bucky went to war in 1942. Steve was given the serum in 1942. These were things that I knew had happened— would  _have_  to happen.  
  
“Hey sugar, you rationed?”* I hadn’t realized I’d stopped moving until I heard the voice in front of me. I blinked dumbly for a moment at Howard Stark.

“Yes,” I said crisply. Howard raised a brow.   
  
“Your sweetie away at war?”   
  
“About to be,” I answered. Howard chucked me under the chin.   
  
“Cheer up,” He cooed.  
  
“Hey, Mr. Stark! Over here?” We turned to see a cameraman holding his camera up, waving me closer to Howard. I made to step away, but the inventor looped his arm around my waist, pulling me into his side.   
  
“Smile, sugar,” He grinned. I didn’t. I couldn’t. As soon as the cameraman stepped away I shrugged Howard off roughly, determined to find Bucky and Steve and go  _home_.

  
I could hear them before I saw them, the old married couple bickering I’d heard a hundred times before.   
  
“What do you want me to do, collect scrap metal in my little red wagon?”  __  
  
“Yes! Why not? _”_ I rounded the corner to see Bucky and Steve staring one another down.   
  
“I’m not gonna sit in a factory Bucky— Bucky! Come on. There are men laying down their lives. I got no right to do any less than them. That’s what you don’t understand. This isn’t about me.”   
  
“Right. ‘Cause you got nothing to prove.”   
  
I watched Steve’s jaw set. I looked around the center, scooping out to see if anyone else was watching this little fight.   
  
Someone was. An older, well-dressed man with round glasses dark scruff stood not too far away, listening intently on the conversation. I looked away quickly, not ready to face what the the future would hold for either of them. I cleared my throat.   
  
“Hey sarge,” I called out, getting Bucky’s attention, “We going dancing?”   
  
“Yes we are,” He said airily before turning back to Steve.   
  
“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back,” He said softly.   
  
“How can I?” Steve asked, “You’re taking all the stupid with you.” I smiled, straightening up and drifting toward the two as they embraced.   
  
“You’re a punk.”   
  
“Jerk.” Bucky gave Steve one more long look before he took hold of my hand. I looked over my shoulder at Steve, then at the old man.   
  
“What’s he gonna do?” I asked, unable to keep the tremor out of my voice.   
  
“He’s gonna be Steve,” Bucky said simply, “And if there’s a God above he’ll be home with you by morning.” Bucky looped his arm around my waist.   
  
“Cheer up, doll. It’s my last night at home and they’re playing our song.”  
  
I smiled, leaning against Bucky and pressing a kiss to his cheek.   
  
——-

“I… I can’t tell you everything. I mean, ‘m not supposed to,” Steve said lightly.   
  
It probably didn’t help that I’d been crying for the last two days. I’d cried when Bucky got up to leave for the train, I cried watching Bucky get on the train, I cried at work, and I cried when I got home and found Steve packing.   
  
“You don’t have to worry,” He soothed, or tried to as he stroked my hair. I scoffed through my tears, shaking my head.   
  
“No, ‘course not. The two people I love most in the world are heading off to the war, I have no right to panic at all, I should be level-headed and—“   
  
“You always knew this would happen.”   
  
I pushed off of the bed, rounding it and leaning against the wall by the window. It was easier to distract myself with the sights and sounds of the city than to look at Steve’s things all packed.   
  
“This is my chance.” His tone was pleading. I nodded, looking down at my feet. His came into view moments later and he reached up, brushing my tears away.   
  
“I’ll send money home for rent,” He said softly. I shook my head.   
  
“Last month’s paid,” I said. I still had my place at the boarding house, I’d never given it up. Steve nodded. He stepped away again and I turned to look out of the window. Summer was closing in fast; the apartment would get hot and stuffy and it was better that Steve would be getting out of here at least; the city heat was always bad for his asthma.   
  
“Here.” I turned my head to see Steve holding a small box out. I frowned, taking it from him and opening it. I looked down at the locket there; it was clearly old, a little tarnished, but beautiful. I opened it and sucked in a small breath. Bucky’s face was on one side, and Steve’s, the other.   
  
“It was mom’s…This way we’ll always be close by,” He said softly.   
  
Steve didn’t wake me before he left. That was fine by me; I couldn’t take another round of goodbyes. I closed my eyes again as the early morning light crept into the silent apartment, willing that giant bed to swallow me whole.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had shadows of the future, pantomime plays that I had to sit and watch. I wasn’t in any position to help Bucky anymore, but I’d be damned if I was going to leave Stevie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uuuuh none

  The knowing was always the hardest part. I knew Steve was at Camp Leigh being picked on by the other recruits and encouraged by Dr. Erskine and Margaret Carter. I knew he would have the serum administered, that he’d wind up in Europe and learning of Bucky’s capture.

I had shadows of the future, pantomime plays that I had to sit and watch. I wasn’t in any position to help Bucky anymore, but I’d be damned if I was going to leave Stevie.

——-

**_2012_ **

_“Where do we start?” Maria asked, pulling up their database. Fury looked out of his window for a moment. It was late; the base was dark, still trying to recover from the latest power surge._

_“The year on the paper was ‘41.”_

_“But it was December,” Hill pointed out. Fury nodded. Hill went quiet for a moment._

_“We don’t even know if we’ll find her this way.”_

_“When she out that message up, it had been two hours here, five years there,” Fury said._

_“Two hours is, what, two and a half years. Half that time is a year and three months...”_

_“How long has it been now?”_

_Hill glanced at her watch._

_“Three hours, twenty minutes.”_

——-

**_1942_ **

“Heard from Steve lately?” Madge asked. I shot her a smile.

“Sent me a letter last week.” Madge let out a scoff that was meant to be sweet, but I knew her well enough to know there was bitterness.

“Like clockwork. I mean I barely hear from John.” Ireached, out, giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. Even before Steve had gone away, he was always leaving me little sketches and notes to say that he was thinking about me. Bucky and Steve were very different in how they showed their affection: Steve was all small gestures and subtlety; Bucky was all bouquets and kisses and holding hands and 'ain't my dame the sweetest?'.

I hadn’t heard from Bucky in nearly a month. I was trying not to worry too much. I knew he was traveling from London to ‘somewhere Italy’ (his last letter had told me so).

Steve’s letter had been all about Dr. Erskine, and training; he’d mentioned Peggy Carter in passing. I may have spent a little long on those two sentences. But I’d met her. She’d never been anything but complimentary when it came to Steve; always called him ‘Captain Rogers’, with this glint her in her eye. I understood now, of course. The guy was definitely glint-worthy.

——-

As a former member of S.H.I.E.L.D., there were certain reflexes I had. A friend of mine had taught me a particularly good move to employ if I was ever caught by the wrist.

I felt a large, warm hand closed around my wrist and I moved on instinct, spinning around and planning to give the assailant what-for. Instead, I was met by large, stunned, bright-blue eyes.

“It’s me, it’s Steve,” the man said quickly. My grip slackened and my jaw dropped.

“Stevie?” I asked almost dumbly. I knew this man. This was the man I had seen in the grainy reels of war footage, in textbooks, in a photo frame on Peggy’s desk.

“Yeah,” he said softly, face relaxing. I didn’t bother asking how; I knew how.

“Holy shit,” I managed, setting my hands on his arms. His arms wrapped around my middle, and I leaned into him, pressing my face into his shoulder. It was more of a shock than I’d expected. I had gotten so used to Steve—  _my_  Steve _,_ half a head shorter than me, leaning up for kisses, looking down those incredibly long lashes at me when we curled up together on the couch.

“I— what happened? Why are you here, what—“ I stopped rambling questions as I felt Steve tense. 

——-  
It had been easy to sneak Steve back up to my room, once; we’d put him in one of my skirts and kept a collar pulled up high over his neck. Mrs. Devnick had thought he was a friend of mine. And he  _was._ But fooling around was strictly prohibited in the boarding house.   
  
“That drain pipe is harder to climb that it looks,” Stiles grumbled, climbing in through my window. I shushed him, closing the window behind him and looking over to my door to ensure it was locked before I led him over to my bed. He sat beside me, hands intertwined. I rested my chin on his shoulder, closing my eyes. I’d spent months worried about my boys, but seeing even one of them was enough to calm me down a bit.  
  
“What happened?” I asked again, sharply. This was a gap; as far as I knew, Steve was injected with the serum and sent off to war.  He filled in my gaps: Erskine, the lab, his murder. I could feel him shaking even as he told me. That wound was fresh, hardly two days old.   
  
“What happens now?” I asked shakily.   
  
“They want me to go on tour, spread the word about the war effort.” I nodded a little bit.   
  
“Leaving me again, then,” I tried to sound as long as I could, but I couldn’t keep that disappointment out of my voice. I could feel Steve hesitate before he said,   
  
“I want you to come with me. You’d get a chance to travel, see the country. I’ll take care of you. Steve turned his head, looking down at me.   
  
“I understand you have your job, but I want you there, with me.” I could feel tears pricking my eyes despite the fact that I was smiling. I leaned up, kissing him sweetly.   
  
“Where you go,” I promised, “I go.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Growing up, we were told that Steve was taken to Europe where he went on to recruit the Howling Commandos after he undertook a daring rescue mission alone. Textbooks completely glossed over the before that would inevitably happen, Steve was made to perform like a dancing bear, reading off of a script, signing pictures, kissing babies, punching a man dressed to look like Hitler.

“This is not what I thought they meant when they said ‘the war effort’,” Steve grumbled, surly. I reached out, lightly smoothing back the hairs misplaced by the helmet they were making him wear.

Growing up, we were told that Steve was taken to Europe where he went on to recruit the Howling Commandos after he undertook a daring rescue mission alone. Textbooks completely glossed over the before that would inevitably happen, Steve was made to perform like a dancing bear, reading off of a script, signing pictures, kissing babies, punching a man dressed to look like Hitler. The last time I’d seen Steve looking so disheartened was the first time he’d come back from the recruitment center with a 1F stamped on his form.

“Oh,” Steve turned to me as I continued to run my fingers through his hair, “They told me this morning that we need to get our passports together.” My blood ran cold.

“Passport?” I repeated. He nodded.

“They’re sending us over to... Meet with the troops that are deployed.“ That was putting it nicely. 

“I’ll go during one of the day shows, get myself sorted out,” I said. Steve’s smile told me that my voice sounded as calm as I’d hoped, even if it felt like my heart was pounding out of chest.

Passports had only become a requirement the year before. If I was with anyone else, I might’ve tried to slip under the radar, but there was no way I could get away with it now, not with what a big deal Steve was. It had been a fight to even get me on tour with him, but he’d refused to go unless I was allowed. I had a fake passport and ID that S.H.I.E.L.D had sent me over with, but anything I presented the army with, they’d go over with a fine-tooth comb. I could only pray that the forgeries were convincing were convincing enough.

—-

“You ever been on a plane before?” Steve asked, settling back into the seat. I nodded, wordless as my fingers cuddled with locket around my neck.

“Where’d you go?” Steve asked.

“To visit some family.” Steve didn’t ask any questions after that, just picked my hand up and pressed a gentle kiss to the back of it. I turned my head to look at him, smiling a little.

“I’m guessing flying makes you nervous?” He asked, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles.

“A little,” I agreed. This line of falsehood was easier than the truth: Bucky’s mother had called me that morning. She’s received a telegram informing her that Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes was missing in action, presumed dead. I hadn’t told Steve; I didn’t know how to. God knows if I did he would just walk through Europe until he reached the guy. The army sure as hell wouldn’t risk any more soldiers going into whatever firefight Bucky had been lost in, and no way would they let Steve leave; they wouldn’t they even let him go to war.

The only thing that was keeping me from falling to pieces was the fact that I knew Bucky would be alright— for a time, anyway. He was part of the Howling Commandos, he and Steve still had work to do. And whether or history liked it or not, I would not let him fall again.

—

“You must be—“ I could barely focus on the words. Margaret Carter was in front of me, shaking my hand, speaking in that easy yet clipped British tone, the all-business tone I’d heard the first time I met her at S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters.   
  
She’d stopped talking, and was giving mean odd look. I felt myself flush as I let go of her hand; I’d definitely been shaking it for too long.   
  
“I’m sorry, I um— I didn’t sleep on the plane,” I explained, a little flustered, “It’s great to finally meet you, Agent. Steve’s told me a lot about you.”  
  
“Don’t mention it; officially, I’m now here. I’ve heard quite a bit about you. Did you really teach him how to roll a man over his shoulder?” I cast a fond look at Steve over her shoulder.   
  
“Someone had to. Little punk could never keep out of trouble.” I smiled as Peggy laughed.  
  
“If you’ll follow me, I’ll show you where you’ll be staying.” I bit my lip, nodding. I knew it was a long shot I’d be able to stay with Stevie; I usually roomed with the showgirls while we were on the road, so it made sense that this would be no different. It didn’t matter; it had never stopped me from sneaking to Steve’s room, anyway.

—

“Nice boots, Tinker Bell!” I clenched my jaw at the sound of the solders heckling Steve. I watched as he shielded himself, hurrying off of the stage.   
  
“Stevie,” I said, but he was already yanking his helmet off as the girl retook the stage. I followed him a few paces back, watching him sit himself on the steps. I sat a step above him and he hesitated before resting his head on my knee. I combed my fingers through his matted hair.   
  
“They’re dishearten, Stevie.”   
  
“I should be helping them,” He argued. I couldn’t say a word, knowing soon enough he would be. Peggy joined us a few minutes later, hand on her hip.   
  
“That was quite the performance,” She said, looking between the two of us. Steve sat up, nodding.   
  
“Well, I had to improvise a bit. Crowds I’m used to are usually more uh… Twelve.”   
  
“I understand you’re ‘America’s New Hope’?” Peggy asked. I saw that clench of Steve’s jaw, a combination of irritation and pride.   
  
“Bond sales take a ten percent bump in every state I visit.”   
  
“Is that Senator Brandt I hear?” I watched the two of them bicker, and I could see it then. There was a spark there, something I had stood in the way of. I felt my stomach twist uncomfortably and I stood, excusing myself softly to leave them to it.   
  
I returned to my tent, kicking my shoes off and settling back. I did my best to tune out the sounds around me: the mechanical grinding of tanks and chatter of the show girls and GIs that definitely weren’t supposed to be anywhere near those tents. 

—

“Wake up!” When had I fallen asleep? I blinked blearily up at Steve, pushing myself up to look at him.   
  
“What is it? Time for the next show?”   
  
“I’m going to get Bucky,” Was what he said. I froze.   
  
“Get— _Get_?”   
  
“He’s thirty miles behind the lines. Peggy’s giving me a lift.” I paused, weighing my options.   
  
“I”m coming with you,” I said firmly, standing and rifling around in my trunk.   
  
“No, it’s too dangerous.”   
  
“And it’s not for you? We’re going to get Bucky, we’re getting him together,” I said firmly, “And if you leave me here, Rogers, when you get back, I’m going to kick your ass.” 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Accompanying Steve on this mission had to be the stupidest thing I’d done in my time in the past. I’d been out of action for so long, I was worried I’d lost some nerve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I have been sick. 
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: Cursing; some violence.

“Have you ever handled a weapon?” Peggy asked. Though yelled over the roar of the engine, it was calm, matter of fact. There wasn’t any judgement in her tone, like there had been from Stark, and would’ve been from Colonel Phillips.

“Yes,” I said honestly. I could feel Steve’s eyes on me, but I focused more on the piece Peggy handed me. Peggy glanced between me and Steve before she turned back to the map she’d brought on the plane with her, flipping it around to show us.

“The HYDRA camp is in Krausberg, tucked between these two mountain ranges. It’s a factory of some kind.”  
  
“We should be able to drop you right on the doorstep,“ Howard called back to us. Peggy excused herself, getting up to speak with Howard. I recognized the make and model of the gun Peggy had handed me: a Browning Hi Power. I’d only handled one once before, but I know the feel well enough. I leaned back, huffing out a breath and looking out one of the small plane windows. Steve was still staring at me.   
  
“You should stay on the plane,” He said. My head whipped around to stare at him.   
  
“No. No, I’m not going back with them.”  
  
“I don’t know what we’re gonna be walking into.”   
  
“All the more reason for you to have backup on the ground. You’re not going to talk me out of this.” His mouth twisted into a stern frown.   
  
“When have you handled a weapon before?”

I looked away from him, shaking my head as I tucked the gun into the back waistband of my pants.   
  
“There’s a lot that you don’t know about me, Steve.” 

Peggy returned, passing the both of us our parachutes. I pulled mine on, buckling it up. Steve glanced up at her before peering forward, looking at Howard.   
  
“You know, you two are gonna be in a lot of trouble at the lab,” He said.   
  
“And you two won’t?” Peggy retorted. I tuned them out, looking back outside. Accompanying Steve on this mission had to be the stupidest thing I’d done in my time in the past. I’d been out of action for so long, I was worried I’d lost some nerve. My head snapped up as the plane was rocked by enemy fire. I saw Steve stand and head for the door of the plane. I turned to get one look at Peggy and Howard, in case it was my last. Peggy offered me a reassuring smile and I nodded back before jumping out of the plane after Steve.   
  
I could hear the wind rushing past my ears, the blast of detonations all around us. I got flashes of Steve’s parachute illuminated by the explosions as we sailed toward the treetops. I took a deep breath, bracing myself for impact.

—

Steve and I trudged through the forest, eyeing the fence outside the Krausberg camp. The front of the facility was gated; a sloth-like search light lighting up the opposite side of the fence. I turned my head at the sound of trucks before I reached out, gently pulling Steve to crouch beside me behind a tree. A line of vehicles were headed for the camp gates. I glanced over at Steve.   
  
“You thinking what I’m thinking?” I murmured. He nodded.  
  
“Let’s go.” Steve took hold of my hand, gripping my hand. We ran for the last truck in the procession, leaping through the canvas-covered back and sagging back against the inside… Only to be met by two Hydra officers.   
  
“Great,” I commented.   
  
“Fellas,” Steve greeted, looking between them. The Hydra officers lunged at us and Steve and I; we met them in the middle. Steve lifted one by the shirt, slamming him into the top of the vehicle. I leaned out of the way of the soldier’s punch, catching him by the arm and whirling us around. It only took one well-aimed kick to his chest to send him hurling out of the vehicle; Steve’s was thrown out not far behind.   
  
I crouched down, inspecting the contents of the truck.   
  
“What is it?” Steve asked.  
  
“Munitions, mostly,” I said. I wobbled as the truck reversed slowly. Steve took my hand, pulling me to crouch behind him as he brought his shield up to hide both of us. Once the docking agent was dispatched, we climbed out of the truck. We were quiet, moving as one was we crept through the grounds. I could feel my heart pounding as I climbed atop a tank ahead of Steve, sprinting along the roof and praying wee wouldn’t be seen.

The guards were dispatched between us; I knew I had a limited amount of ammo, to be used in the worst case scenario. The sound of gunfire would surely draw the attention of other soldiers.   
  
“What is that?” Steve murmured. I looked around as he stepped out from behind our cover. There were a number of glowing devices on the table.  
  
“I don’t know,” I said, following him out when the coast was clear. Steve glanced around before taking one, tucking it into his pocket.   
  
“Maybe Stark’ll have an idea. Come on.”   
  
—

  
“Who are you?”   
  
The soldiers we’d found were in considerably better condition than I expected.   
  
“I’m… Captain America,” Steve said, unsure of himself. I snorted, unhooking the guard’s keys from his best and straightening. We unlocked the cells, looking for Bucky and doing our best to hush the murmur of confused voices around us.   
  
“You see ‘im?” Steve asked. I shook my head, turning back to him. My stomach twisted with concern, but I did my best to force it down. Surely my involvement couldn’t have led to this— Bucky had to be here  _somewhere_.   
  
“We’re looking for a Sergeant James Barnes,” Steve said, turning back to the others.   
  
“There’s an isolation ward in the factory, but no one’s ever come back from it,” a Brit spoke up. I nodded.   
  
“First time for everything, right?”

—

The desertion in the halls was eery— like stumbling across an abandoned house in the middle of nowhere. My overwhelming feeling that I shouldn’t be there was overpowered only by faith in Steve, and our need to get Bucky out. Steve was far ahead of me, but I stopped beside a hallway, hearing a man groaning not too far off.   
  
“Steve,” I hissed, waving him back. He followed me, and we rounded the corner into an examination room. I could her him before I could see him: a tired urge of a mumble:   
  
“Sergeant... 32557.”   
  
Steve and I rounded either side of the examination table.   
  
“Bucky,” Steve breathed out.   
  
I shook my head, working at the straps holding his wrists as Steve ripped off the ones that had pinned his legs. Bucky looked between us, stunned for a moment, like we were ghosts, until I rested my hand on his cheek.   
  
“Is— Is that—?”  
  
“It’s us,” I said softly, “It’s me and Steve.”   
  
“Come on,” Steve urged. We each took an arm, helping Bucky up.  
  
“Thought you were dead,” Steve sighed, relief in his tone. Bucky blinked dazedly for a moment, “Thought you were smaller.”

I wrapped my arm around Bucky’s middle.   
  
“We’ve gotta go.” Steve’s eyes were caught on something in the corner of the room, something I couldn’t see.   
  
“Steve,  _now,”_ I said firmly as the sound of gunfire outside grew louder and more rapid. He nodded, looping his arm around Bucky before the three of us headed out of the room.

—  
  
The factory below us was descending into chaos. There was no way we could escape through the entrances we’d used; the only way to go was up. Steve led the way and I brought up the rear, not wanting to lose track of Bucky in the chaos.   
  
“There,” Steve pointed out as we reached the next level— there was a bridge to cross. But there were people on the other side.   
  
“Captain America!” A mocking voice with a German accent rang out across the deck, and we slowed our pace. My hand moved to the gun in my waistband, keeping Bucky behind me.   
  
“How exciting! I am a great fan of your films,” The man went on, moving closer to the crossing.   
  
“Films?” I heard Bucky mumble behind me.   
  
“Steve, don’t,” I hissed as Steve stepped onto the bridge with the German.  
  
“So, Dr. Erskine managed it after all.” My blood ran cold. Of course. This was Doctor Johann Schmidt.  
  
“Not exactly an improvement, but still impressive,” Schmidt went on. Steve punched him, sending him stumbling back roughly.   
  
“You got no idea,” Steve said coldly. Schmidt straightened up, and Steve brought his shield up just in time to block the oncoming punch.   
  
“Haven’t I?” Steve reached for his gun, but not fast enough. It skittered over the side of the walkway as Schmidt advanced. Steve kicked him square in the chest, sending Schmidt flying back. A man on the other side of the walkway pulled a level, causing the walkway to retract, and leaving a chasm between us and our only escape. I reached out, gripping Steve’s jacket as if he’d make a run for it if I didn’t hold on.   
  
“No matter what lies Erskine told you, you see I was his greatest success!” Schmidt yelled from the other side. My jaw dropped as Schmidt peeled a mask off, revealing a red skull.   
  
“Holy…” I breathed.   
  
“You don’t have one of those, do you?” Bucky asked.   
  
“You are deluded, Captain. You pretend to be a simple soldier, but in reality you are just afraid to admit that we have left humanity behind. Unlike you, I embrace it proudly. Without fear!”  
  
“Then how come you’re running?” Steve yelled back. I turned my head to look at him, unable to help the fond smile that spread across my face, though it was at an entirely inappropriate time. No matter what, he was still that kid from Brooklyn. I shielded my face from another blast, this one closer than the others before it.   
  
“Now what?” I asked, looking around. Steve spotted a catwalk and nodded to it before he gripped Bucky’s shoulder.   
  
“Come on, let’s go!”   
  
I stared at the catwalk with trepidation, my stomach churning. 

Everyone, when they’re a kid, walks along low walls or curb edges, one foot in front of the other, arms out for balance. I’d never been able to get more than a few steps in before I’d tumble down and hit the pavement. Mine was a childhood of wobbly legs and skinned knees.   
  
This was not a low wall. This was a metal catwalk at least a hundred feet in the air over an imploding factory.    
  
“Oh, god the floor is lava,” I mumbled shakily.   
  
“What?” Bucky asked, frowning and turning to look at me. I shook my head.   
  
“Nothing,” I squeaked.   
  
“You first,” Steve urged. I whipped my head around to look at him.   
  
“W-What? No. No no, Bucky first—“   
  
“You first,” Bucky agreed. I turned to look between them, jaw clenching. We didn’t have time to argue. I turned back to the catwalk, taking a shaky breath. I held tightly to the guard rail as I stepped over, setting both feet down on the walk. I had to side-step it. I could  _not_  look down. I couldn’t focus on the explosions around me, on Bucky and Steve behind me. All I could focus on was the other side. I faltered at the midway point, arms windmilling to keep my balance as the walk shook. I managed to run the last few feet and steady myself on the side rail before I turned back to Bucky.   
  
“Come  _on!”_ I yelled, eyeing the chaos below us. Bucky, while nervous, was more sure-footed than I had been, taking steady, even steps. The gantry’s mooring faltered, and my stomach clenched as Bucky edged closer. He, too, ran the last few yards, jumping and clinging to the railing as the gantry collapsed, falling below. I pulled Bucky up and over the railing, staring back at Steve. I looked around the catwalk.   
  
“What are you doing, go!” Steve yelled.   
  
“There’s gotta be a rope or something!” Bucky yelled back.   
  
“Just go, get out of here!” Steve yelled.    
  
“No!” I snapped as Bucky yelled, “Not without you!”   
  
Steve looked around for a moment before he eyed the space between us. Bucky and I watched as he backed up.   
  
“Is he gonna…?” Bucky asked.   
  
“Son of a bitch,” I groaned, gripping Bucky’s arm and tugging him to the side to clear a runway for Steve. I saw him run, and leap. There was an explosion below and I lost sight of him for a moment before he landed with a ‘thud’ against the railing. I straightened, grabbing his shoulder and helping him over to our side.   
  
“Holy shit—“ Bucky gripped Steve’s arm.

“We have to go, we have to go  _now_ ,” I urged, leading the way down the steps.   
  
—  
The other soldiers cheered when we reached the tree line.   
  
“We thought you were a goner, Cap,” one laughed, clapping Steve’s arm.   
  
“So did we,” Bucky grumbled. I gave him a light squeeze.   
  
“Can’t relax yet. We’ve got a long walk ahead of us.” Bucky and I joined Steve at the front, leading the others back to base camp. Steve and I filled Bucky in on what we could on our way: the experiment, the tours, the films. He took in what he could, but I could see there were still a few hang-ups. He was troubled. I pushed my worry down for the time being— there was nothing that we could do in the middle of the forrest in the middle of the night, with the possibility of being ambushed.   
  
We walked though the night and into the day, out of Hydra territory and back to camp. We flooded in with the rest of the 107th, afforded a hero’s welcome as we came in. Phillips and Peggy met us in the middle of the action. Phillips was hard to read, but Peggy looked elated. Steve gave the Colonel of stiff salute.   
  
“Some of these men need medical attention.” He paused, then, “I’d like to surrender myself for disciplinary action.” Phillips didn’t answer for a moment.   
  
“That won’t be necessary.”   
  
“Yes sir.” 

Phillips stepped away, and I watched him go before I glanced over to see Peggy approaching us.

“You’re late,” She said, looking between myself and Steve. Steve reached into his jacket, pulling out his broken radio out.   
  
“Couldn’t call me ride.” I snorted, shaking my head.   
  
“Maybe I ought to give you the radio next time,” Peggy added, turning to me. I nodded smiling.   
  
“I think that would be best.” I reached into my waistband, pulling the gun out and making to hand it back,  but she waved me off.   
  
“Keep it. You may need it.” I nodded my gratitude, tucking it back.   
  
“Thank you, Agent Carter.”   
  
“Hey!” Steve and I turned as Bucky yelled.   
  
“Let’s hear it for Captain America!”

The soldiers around us erupted into applause. I looked around as some reached out to patted Steve shoulder. Steve smiled at Bucky, who smiled back at him. But I saw, as Steve looked away, Bucky’s smile drop. His lips flattened into an uneasy line, and his eyes darkened. 

I knew Bucky well enough. This was the look he got when he saw Steve hurt badly, or didn’t know where the other had gotten off to after running his mouth off.   
  
This was fear.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'd waited as Bucky scrubbed himself raw. The doctor couldn't find anything wrong with him. Whatever they'd done to him in there, if they'd even gotten around to doing anything, it wasn't superficial, didn't leave a mark.

I'd waited as Bucky scrubbed himself raw. The doctor couldn't find anything wrong with him. Whatever they'd done to him in there, if they'd even gotten around to doing anything, it wasn't superficial, didn't leave a mark. Steve was with Phillips, recounting to him the inside of the facility, the factories that he'd spotted on a map where they were holding Bucky. 

Bucky hadn't said anything when he came into Steve's tent (they were moving another cot in, but we all knew it was for show). He sat on the edge of Steve's cot, skin pink from the force of its cleaning, hair tousled and damp. He looked unkempt —shrunken, almost. I sat down next to him, taking his hand in mine and gently intertwining our fingers.   
  
"... You shouldn't be here."   
  
I winced at the fact those were his first words to me. I turned my head to look at him; his eyes remained on our lap.   
  
"Should or shouldn't doesn't factor in, Buck. I'm here, can't do a thing about that." I leaned in, pressing a kiss to his temple. His shoulders sagged, and he leaned down, resting his head on my shoulder. I let go of his hand in favor of wrapping an arm around his shoulders, bringing my hand up to comb through his damp hair.   
  
"Missed you," He said quietly. I smiled a little, pressing another kiss to his head.   
  
"Missed you, too. We both did," I tacked on. I felt Bucky go tense and frowned.   
  
"Buck?" I asked. He sat up again, my arm falling from my shoulders as he rested his elbows on his knees.   
  
"What, you don't think we missed you?" I asked. He shrugged.   
  
"Not like either'a you need me."   
  
"What?"   
  
"Well, you've always been able to take care'a yourself fine. And Steve's all... Tall now," Bucky said.   
  
"So Steve doesn't need you because he's tall," I repeated. Bucky scowled back at me.   
  
"Well it sounds stupid when you put it like that."   
  
"No offense, but it sounds pretty stupid when you say it, too." Bucky pushed off of the cot, irritated.   
  
"You don't get it," He said, "Stevie's always needed me, it's why he kept me around in the first place. But now that he's..." Bucky trailed off, clenching his jaw. I watched him for a moment.   
  
"You think 'cause Steve's healthier now, he won't want you around," I realized. Bucky didn't answer me; he didn't need to. His face said it all. I sighed quietly, shaking my head.   
  
"Bucky... If Steve didn't need you, do you really think he'd parachute behind enemy lines just to get you?"   
  
"He only did that --"   
  
"Because he loves you. And he needs you. This isn't about fighting his battles, or looking after him when he's sick. You have to know that." I stood up, stepping closer to him. He eyed me warily.   
  
"Are you gonna stop loving Steve just because he's changed?" He scoffed.   
  
"Of course I'm not--"   
  
"Well it's the same for him. You and Steve are always gonna have one another. Always." Bucky took hold of my hands, bringing them up to his lips and pressing kisses to my knuckles.   
  
"What about you? We always gonna have you, too?" He asked, pulling me closer. I smiled as he wrapped my arms around him.   
  
"Course you will," I promised. Bucky nodded, seemingly satisfied. I leaned up, pressing kisses along the curve of his jaw to loosen some of the tension.   
  
"Hey where's-- Oh," Steve went quiet as he came into the tent. Bucky and I looked up, and I smiled.   
  
"Shut the flap, would you? We don't need to be the talk to the camp," I scolded lightly. Steve hurried to do as he was told before stepping farther inside. I lowered one of my arms from Bucky to wave Steve inside. He stepped forward, an arm looping around each of our waists. I smiled, resting my head on Steve's shoulder as he pressed a kiss to Bucky's cheek. Bucky melted into Steve's chest, closing his eyes as he squeezed my hip.   
  
"My boys," I sighed. Steve hummed, running his hand over my back.   
  
"You should be resting, Buck," He said softly.   
  
"You both should," I said, pulling away from them. Steve's grip tightened on my waist for a moment.   
  
"I need to talk to you later," He warned. I nodded.   
  
"Then we can talk later." I leaned up, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth before ducking out of the tent.   
\--  
  
"Are you alright up there?"   
  
I looked down at Peggy from the tank I was sitting on. I gave her a smile.   
  
"Needed a moment to myself."   
  
"Well, I hope you don't mind my rudely interrupting it, then." I laughed, shaking my head.   
  
"Not at all."   
  
It took her no time at all to climb up and settle beside me, skirt be damned.   
  
"I never got the chance to thank you for helping Steve," I said, looking over at her. She raised a brow.   
  
"For helping Steve but not yourself?" I shrugged a shoulder, turning forward again.   
  
"You know what I mean." I could practically feel Peggy pursing her lips. It was a look I'd been on the other end of before.   
  
"You mustn't diminish your role in helping Sergeant Barnes and the others escape. And I was glad to be a part of it, orders be damned." We went quiet for a few minutes.   
  
"I hear Captain Rogers is putting together a team," Peggy said. News to me, but it made sense: everyone in my time knew about the Howling Commandos.   
  
"Will you be sticking around to join it?" I asked curiously. Peggy hummed, noncommittal.   
  
"I won't be fighting by Captain Rogers' side, per se. My place is with Colonel Phillips."   
"For now." Her brow rose, curious.   
  
"What are you implying?" She asked. I smiled.   
  
"Only that I think your star has yet to rise, Agent Carter." 

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I pushed down the bubble of pride that swelled at his awed tone; questions like that were just another reminder of the fact that my entire relationship with Steve and Bucky was based on falsehoods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta-read.

The relative peace of the shooting range was interrupted abruptly as I aimed and fired five shots in quick succession. My groupings weren’t as tight as they had been when I had done my entrance exams for S.H.I.E.LD, but they weren’t so bad.

“Where did you learn to shoot like that?” Steve asked. I pushed down the bubble of pride that swelled at his awed tone; questions like that were just another reminder of the fact that my entire relationship with Steve and Bucky was based on falsehoods.   
  
I lowered the gun, unloading the clip and setting it aside before I set the gun down as well. Bucky hadn’t said a word through the target shooting, but when I glanced at him, his eyes were narrowed at me suspiciously.   
  
“I didn’t grow up in the safest of neighborhoods,” I fibbed. What was another lie?  
  
Steve sighed, setting himself down beside Bucky.   
  
“Neither did we, but we weren’t taught to shoot,” Steve pointed out.  
  
“You’ve never talked about that before,” Bucky said. I shrugged, folding my arms across my chest defensively.

“We weren’t at war in Brooklyn. And I don’t like to talk about it.” 

I shifted from foot to foot, unsure of myself as the two shared a look.

“Phillips offered you a position with him,” Steve told me.

“Offered, or you talked him into it?” I asked. Steve opened his mouth to retort, but I waved him off.   
  
“You’re not sticking me on the sidelines, Rogers.”   
  
“It isn’t safe for you out here,” Bucky spoke up.   
  
“Oh, and it is for you? Did we or did we not find you strapped to a table,” I snapped. Bucky’s jaw tightened, and I felt my stomach roll. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes to calm myself down.   
  
“It’s a _war_. No one is safe out here,” I pointed out, keeping my voice as level as possible.   
  
“Then what’s your plan?” Steve asked, looking up at me, “You stay with me and Bucky?”   
  
“I won’t just stay, I’ll help. I can shoot, I can fight as well as any of you… I don’t know if this comes down to you wanting to keep me safe. I think this comes down to whether or not you trust me,” I said.   
  
“You told me before we jumped out of that plane that there was a lot I didn’t know about you,” Steve reminded me.   
  
“Tell me what you need from me,” I said.   
  
“The truth.”

—

“Who’s this, then?” I turned my head at the sound of Dum Dum’s voice.   
  
“Oh! Pardon, miss. Didn’t recognize ya,” He smiled brightly.   
  
“No worries,” I said lightly, setting my things aside.   
  
“You’re coming along?” I glanced over at Morita as he loaded his pack into the back of the truck.

“That alright with you?” I asked. He held his hands up in mock surrender.  
  
“More than. You helped us out of that jam in Krausberg. Meant no disrespect.” I gave him a small apologetic smile.   
  
“I’m sorry. Long night.”  
  
“You’re telling me,” Falsworth grumbled as he loaded his things in beside Morita’s. I chuckled at the sight of the hungover Brit.   
  
“Morning.” We all turned to look at Bucky and Steve as they approached. I eyed Steve’s new uniform. Stark had padded it to ensure Steve would be adequately protected. I stepped aside, following his movements as he tossed his pack in beside the others. I had never been able to really admire the hues of red, white, and blue on his shield in old photos. I bit my lip to stifle a gasp at the vibrancy of the paint over the Vibranium.   
  
I had spent the last few nights away from Steve and Bucky. Despite the number of questions I’d answered for them, I still felt like their gazes weighed heavily on me. And it felt like things had _shifted_. We were strained, all of us. Bucky and Steve had been close to one another before I’d come into their lives; they would still be close if I left it.

Steve pulled the shield off of his back. Light as it seemed when he handled it, his pack still slouched under its weight. He turned to look at me, eyes set with what I hoped was concern. 

“Ready?” He asked quietly. I read that message loud and clear: One last chance to back out.   
  
“Ready,” I said firmly. He nodded before turning back to look at Bucky.   
  
“Hang on, Cap!”   
  
We stopped to see one of Phillips’ associates came scrambling over, camera in hand.   
  
“Before you go,” He held the camera up. We all shuffled around, crowding awkwardly together. I tried to move toward the back, but Dum Dum nudged me forward, laughing, “No way will they be able to see you behind me, missy.”   
  
I took up a spot in front of Bucky and Steve, shoulders stiff. The cameraman probably told me to smile, but I couldn’t muster one. Close as I was to the two most important people in my life, I had never felt so far from them.

—

_2012_

  
“Your shift ended two hours ago.” 

“I need to speak to the Director.”   
  
Hill pursed her lips, looking at Coulson through the crack in the door she’d opened.   
  
“Now is not the time.”   
  
“Now is definitely the time.”  
  
“You’re well aware that we are dealing with a situation—“   
  
Hill was cut off by a grainy black and white photograph being shoved in her face. She went silent, eyes scanning the faces before she stepped back, letting Coulson through and shutting the door behind him.   
  
“Sir,” She said, calling Fury’s attention away from his screens.   
  
“This better be good, Agent,” He said flatly.   
  
“She’s in Europe, sir,” Coulson said.   
  
“And you know that how?” Fury asked.

Hill took the photo from Coulson and passed it to Fury, pointing out the face of their agent.   
  
“Where did you get this?” Fury demanded.   
  
“My grandfather was in General Phillips’ outfit. He took it himself, sir. I was at home, just going through some of his things, I mean considering what’s going on and I— I spotted that.”   
  
“… _Motherfu_ —“

“Sir!” The three turned their heads as Rumlow strode in. 

“The lab’s been able to restore power to the machine. They’re asking if we have a destination.” Fury’s eyes darted to the photograph.   
  
“Tell them to standby.” Rumlow nodded once before pivoting to leave.

“And Rumlow?” Fury added. The agent stopped, turning back.   
  
“Sir?”   
  
“Next time, knock.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had figured that, as a soldier, I’d manage war just fine, but this was brutal. I couldn’t find a single mission that I’d run in my time at S.H.I.E.L.D to prepare me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roessel isn’t a real place in Germany. Pretty sure. I googled it and couldn’t find anything (which is what I wanted but like if it’s a real place and Google lied pls tell me??)  
> Not Beta-Read.

Sometimes your loved ones believe you no matter what.   
  
Other times, you tell your loved ones that you’re a special agent from the future and they tell you to cut the shit.

—

“You alright over there?” I shot Dum-Dum my best smile, doing my best to ignore my fatigue.

“Right as rain, thanks,” I said. He smiled, patting my shoulder and he passed me to roll out his bedroll. We’d been on the road for months, slogging through enemy territory and taking out Hydra bases. It felt like the cameras were never far behind, focusing on Steve and the others. That was fine with me. I didn’t need the attention or want it. But then, neither did Bucky and Steve.   
  
I glanced up as Bucky rolled his bedroll out beside mine, plopping down on it tiredly.   
  
“Took a pretty hard hit today,” He commented, looking me over. I shrugged.   
  
“Wasn’t the only one. ‘m fine.” Bucky gave me a long look like he wanted to say something else, but instead, he kept his mouth shut and gave me a curt nod.   
  
I was slowly earning the guys’ trust back, but Bucky was even slower to it than Steve was. Maybe it was what had happened to him on that base that made him so wary of me. I had told the boys, in no uncertain terms, that if they really didn’t trust me, they had the option to turn me into Phillips, have me investigated. They didn’t call my bluff. In my clearest moments, I told myself it was a deep, lingering trust; in my darkest, I let myself believe that they still loved me.   
  
I had figured that, as a soldier, I’d manage war just fine, but this was brutal. I couldn’t find a single mission that I’d run in my time at S.H.I.E.L.D to prepare me. Some things, the fighting, the shooting, I could handle fine. But it was relentless. I kept reminding myself that things could change; that the war would end; that I’d find a way to keep Bucky safe and Steve out of the ice. I wasn’t sure how I’d do it yet, but I’d manage, consequences be damned.   
  
—

“Are you asleep?” I opened my eyes to see Steve peering down at me. I shook my head. He nodded me up and I sat up, looking around. The others were asleep; it must’ve been Steve’s watch. I got up, following Steve over to his post and sitting beside him.   
  
“How’s your arm?” I asked. Steve glanced down, eyeing the bandage of the spot a bullet had grazed only hours before.   
  
“It’s alright. Should be healed by tomorrow.” I snorted quietly, shifting in my spot and resting my chin on my hand. We sat in silence for a while.   
  
“So why’d you get me up?” I asked, looking over at Steve. He shrugged a shoulder.   
  
“We haven’t had… Much time,” He said.   
  
“For what?”   
  
“Talk. We used to talk all the time.” 

“And you used to shorter. Things change.” Steve smiled a little bit, head dropping forward. I reached out, lightly rubbing between his shoulders.   
  
“How have you been handling all of this?” I asked, “It’s a lot to handle in a short amount of time.”  
  
“Think it’d be worse if I didn’t have you and Bucky around. It’s hard, it is, but… You, the Howlies…” He glanced back at the others before looking forward again.   
  
“It feels right. Helping. Not like Bucky wanted, me staying back at home.”   
  
“Bucky said that because he wanted to protect you,” I pointed out softly. He nodded.   
  
“I can appreciate that now that things are…”  
  
“Different,” I finished. Steve hummed before he turned back to me.   
  
“Did you ever think you’d be here?” I pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them.   
  
“Here specifically? On the forest floor in the middle of Germany? I’m going to have to say no, this was nowhere in my life plan growing up.” We shared a smile.   
  
“But,” I went on, “After being with you two for a few months, I knew I would follow you anywhere.”   
  
Steve looked my face over before he reached out, cupping my cheek.   
  
“You scared me out there, today,” He said softly. I turned my head into his hand, pressing a kiss to his palm.   
  
“And you’ve scared me every damn day I’ve known you, Steve. We might almost be even by the time we get home.”   
  
“Makes two of us.”   
  
We turned back to see Bucky coming up behind us. He settled on my other side, nudging his knee with mine.   
  
“You and I might be even by the time we get out of here, too.” I smiled, shrugging.   
  
“Maybe, but I doubt it. You on that… That table,” I mumbled. Bucky wrapped his arm around my shoulder, drawing me into his chest and pressing a gentle kiss to my head.   
  
“Won’t ever have to see anything like that again. That’s a promise.” I didn’t respond, reaching out and taking hold of one of Steve’s hands in my own. If I closed my eyes, we were back on our couch in Brooklyn.

—

“We’re not sending anyone there.”   
  
I woke up to the sound of Bucky’s voice. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but he was not happy.   
  
“We need an eye on the inside—“  That was Steve.

“And it is  _not_  going to be you.” Bucky again.   
  
I pushed myself up on my bedroll, scrubbing my hands over my face.   
  
“We’ve got our faces splashed all over newsreels, and you’re public enemy number one, Cap,” Dum-Dum pointed out, “The world’s seen all of us.”   
  
I pushed myself up, walking over to the Jeep where the others were looking over a map.   
  
“Not all of us,” I pointed out, looking down at the markers before turning my eyes to Steve.   
  
“Where’s the fight?”   
  
Steve and Bucky turned to me, horrified.   
  
“No—“ Bucky started, but was cut off by Morita:   
  
“We got a message from Phillips. There’s a base in Roessel. It’s completely new, top of the line facility. We think they’re trying to construct a new type of bomb.”   
  
“We’ve got proof?” I asked.   
  
“Scouts, some photographs, but nothing solid,” Jones said, “No one’s been able to get close enough. We need someone on the inside… I’m assuming that’s what woke you up.”   
  
“It is,” I confirmed, giving him a small, tired smile before turning back to Steve and Bucky.   
  
“You know they’ve been filming around me. I’m unrecognizable. I’ll go in, get some pictures, take some notes, get out.” Steve’s mouth was set in a grim line.   
  
“She’s our best hope, Cap,” Dernier pointed out. Steve glanced at him before turning back to me.   
  
“You’re sure you wanna do this?”   
  
“Wouldn’t have volunteered if I didn’t,” I pointed out.   
  
“Let me pack up and I’ll be ready to roll out.”   
  
“Bucky’ll drop you five miles outside of the base’s limits. We leave at 0800.” I nodded, stepping away from the truck.

  
“You’re sure you want to do this.”   
  
I turned back to see Steve standing over me as I rolled up my pack.   
  
“Course I am,” I straightened up, “It’s just recon, simple.”   
  
“You need to get in and out of there, and quick. There’s that—“   
  
“Train. Zola’s train, I know. I’ll be back well before we need to make our way there.” I reached up, giving Steve’s shoulder a squeeze. He glanced around, concerned that one of the others would see before he swooped in for a quick, firm kiss.   
  
“You come back in one piece,” He ordered. I smiled, giving him a quick, mocking salute.   
  
“Sir, yessir.”   
  
—

“In all the time I known ya, this has gotta be the dumbest thing you’ve ever done,” Bucky commented dryly. I smiled.   
  
“I think you and Steve are rubbin’ off on me.”   
  
“Me an’ Steve? Oh no no. This is just Steve. All of this is just Steve,” He said, waving his hand vaguely at me while keeping his eyes on the road. I snorted, leaning back against the seat.   
  
“… You promise me you’ll be careful?” Bucky asked quietly.  I turned my head to look over Bucky’s forehead. He was frowning deeply, brow furrowed, and I knew for sure that it wasn’t the rough terrain we were driving over.   
  
“I swear, Buck,” I said, matching his tone. He nodded before he reached a hand out for mine. I took it, intertwining our fingers. He lifted it to his mouth, pressing a kiss to the back of my hand.   
  
“End of the road,” He said, stopping the truck at the tree line. I nodded, giving his hand a gentle squeeze before letting go and getting my bag from the floor.  I made to get out of the car, but I felt Bucky’s hand on my knee. I turned back to face him, brow raised, questioning. He leaned over, kissing me warmly. I leaned into him, resting my hand on his cheek and holding him close. He rested his forehead against mine.   
  
“I’ll see you in a few hours,” I promised.   
  
“You radio if you need help,” Bucky said firmly.   
  
“I  _promise_ ,” I said firmly before getting out of the car.   
  
—  
  
“You promised,” Bucky grumbled. I didn’t answer, too tired to say a word. I’d been ambushed inside the factory and had barely made it out with the camera film and my life. Rather than lead them back to Bucky I had taken a long way back to Bucky’s hiding place, and had bled through my shirt by the time I reached the truck. I winced as Steve stitched my side.   
  
“… We need to get you somewhere safe to recover,” Steve said softly. I shook my head.   
  
“I’m not leaving—“   
  
“It’s an order,” Steve said firmly, “I’ve already radio’d Phillips, you’re going back with the film crew tomorrow.” I turned my head, eyeing him.   
  
“But who will look after you two?”

—  
  
“Promise me one thing?” I asked, watching Bucky load the remaining equipment on the plane.   
  
“Why, because you keep all of yours?” He asked bitterly.   
  
“ _Buck_ ,” I whined. He turned back to me, resting his hands in his pockets.   
  
“What is it you want me to promise?” He asked.   
  
“…Don’t get on that train tomorrow.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had gone slowly at first. But as soon as I'd spotted the back of his head, I had broken out into a run.

I couldn't push the image from my mind - Steve's hair shining like a halo in the middle of a bombed-out bar, a nearly empty bottle by his hand as moved to pour himself another.

I wasn't wholly healed yet - the infection had spread and I had been confined to my bed while I healed up.

General Phillips and Agent Carter had delivered the news of Bucky's fall personally. I hadn't even bothered to hide my anguish, breaking into sobs before they could even get his name fully out. Peggy had waited until Phillips had awkwardly made his exit to sit beside me and hold me until my shaking had stopped. She told me in a quiet voice that Steve and the other Howlies were back, and helped me dress, and told me she'd give us some time.

I had gone slowly at first. But as soon as I'd spotted the back of his head, I had broken out into a run.

I hadn't made a note of the uncharacteristic pick up in wind until I heard the ungodly whirring that followed it. I broke into a run, ignoring the streaks of light, the calls of my name. I needed to see Steve, just one more time.

The sickness had made me slow. I was grabbed by the shoulders, then my arms, and most painfully, by my side. I managed to let out a short scream of pain before a hand was slapped over my mouth. I struggled against the grip, wrenching my face out of their hold.

One moment, I tried to tell them. I just needed one more moment, please.

\---

It stuck behind my eyelids when I closed them. He turned to look, I swear he did. My last glimpse of the past: Steven Grant Rogers, shoulders slumped, defeated, turning his head to answer when I called.

I lifted my eyes tiredly to Coulson's face, his mouth set in a harsh and grim line.

"You should've left me there," I rasped, tired, "You should've left me there with him."


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was hardly uncommon for S.H.I.E.L.D to hold hostages, but it was rare that one of them would be put in a situation where they could escape. Rarer still that they'd make it past the guards.

_1941_  
  
_Half the stadium was stnading already; Bucky had been one of the first ones up, excited, bouncing on the balls of his feet. Steve eyed the field warily, cracking peanut shells and offering me one now and again.  
  
"Here's the pitch," The commentator said. The crack of bat against ball, and then a gasp across the stands as the commentator went on, "Swung on. A line to the right. And it gets past Rizzo! Three runs will score. Reiser heads to third. Durocher’s going to wave him in. Here comes the relay, but they won’t get him!"_  
  
_"God, you see that doll!"_  
  
" _I got eyes, Buck, I'm not blind," I laughed, "Of course I saw it!"  
_  
" _Steve, you're gonna owe me a nickel. This is what you get when you bet against me, pal," Bucky warned, cocky as he looked down at Steve.  
_  
" _The game ain't over yet, Barnes," Losing bet or not, there was a smile on Steve's face, "Hell of a game."_  
  
\--   
  
_**2012**_  
  
"Agent... The fact that we had to pick you up in you up in London--"   
  
"Explain to me how you know where I was picked up, Coulson."   
  
A flash of panic went over Coulson's face. There were only seconds before Fury slammed the door to the interrogation room open.   
  
"I  _told_  you to stay put," He advanced slowly, stalking and dangerous, "I told you that you couldn't change anything--"   
  
"Did we still win the war?" I snapped. "I know Bucky fell from that train-- Did Captain Rogers pilot that plane into the goddamn ocean?" I rose out of my chair, slamming my hand on the table.   
  
"What did I change?" I demanded. Coulson was staring at me as though he'd seen a ghost. Fury's face remained cruel and cold.   
  
"You defied direct orders," He said calmly, "You put yourself in danger, you wasted hours of S.H.I.E.L.D's time. You're only back here because Coulson found you."   
  
"So I've got  _you_  to thank for that," I said dryly, looking down at him.   
  
"Director Fury." We all turned our attention to Hill standing in the doorway. She cast me a look before turning her eyes back to him, "Code thirteen."   
  
_Code thirteen_. An escape.   
  
It was hardly uncommon for S.H.I.E.L.D to hold hostages, but it was rare that one of them would be put in a situation where they could escape. Rarer still that they'd make it past the guards.   
  
"...There was a discovery you were uncovering, before I went back there," I said, putting my mind back. I raised my eyes back to Fury, "There were rumors of what it was. The item Red Skull used to power his weapons, maybe. But it's not that, is it."   
  
I straightened further, despite the pain in my side.   
  
"It's him." Fury gave no answer. I looked down to Coulson, trying to get something from one of them.  
  
"It  _is_  him," I accused. Coulson had regained his poker face, and he shook his head a little.   
  
"I don't know what you're talking about," he said easily.   
  
"You found him, you found Steve." I rounded the table to look Fury in the eye.

"You're not leaving me in here. Steve is smart, and he's quick. He needs something familiar. Right now the closest thing you have is me."   
  
"...We had a whole room of familiar and he ran from it, agent. Give me one good reason why he won't run from you."   
  
"I tried to tell him, once. The truth, I told him and Bucky I was from now, they didn't believe me--"   
  
"All the more reason you shouldn't see him."   
  
Fury turned to Coulson, "You stay here. Both of you." He left without another glance, Hill closing the door behind him. I looked after them before I looked down at Coulson. He scrubbed a hand over his face, as if he was finding this more stressful than I could.   
  
"Once Fury and the others are cleared, I can take you to your quarters."   
  
"My  _quarters?"_ I repeated.   
  
"Fury and Pierce, they have more questions. And you need rest. They'd rather you do that where they can keep an eye on you." I looked back toward the door for a moment.   
  
"...Can you at least take me to where they were holding him?"   
  
\--   
  
It was too perfect. No wonder Steve's hackles had been raised. War hero or not, he never would've gotten his own room in a hospital. He wouldn't have been taken back to New York for treatment, either, it wouldn't have been close enough. I had stepped through the hole that he had created on his way out and looked around.   
  
The flowers on the table, the backdrop of the city through the window. The game on the radio.   
  
I turned my head toward the broadcast, listening for a moment before I scoffed.   
  
"What?" Coulson asked. I shook my head.   
  
"That must've tipped him off," I said, turning back to look at him.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"...Because we were there," I said softly, eyes watering, "Hell of a game."


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had been back in my time for nearly a month. I had yet to see the outside of S.H.I.E.L.D’s New York headquarters or to hear or see anything else about Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These next few chapters are gonna be kinda Steve-heavy due to the nature of the MCU

“The hell did you do?”   
  
I glanced over at Hill as she watched the doctor removed the stitches from my side.   
  
“My job,” I answered. I’d never spent so much time with Hill before. The fact that she had essentially become my security detail was a testament to how little Fury trusted me, and how badly I had fucked up. The doctor stepped away, and I looked down to inspect my side.

The skin was still pink and tender, a little scared; most of the damage had been inflicted when Rumlow had caught me by the middle to pull me back. If I had just run a little faster--

The thought was cut by the click of the door closing, the doctor gone. I slid off of the table, making to grab my shirt. I had been back in my time for nearly a month. I had yet to see the outside of S.H.I.E.L.D’s New York headquarters or to hear or see anything else about Steve.   
  
“What happened?” Hill asked. I glanced back at her.   
  
“Recon on a Hydra facility.”   
  
“ _You_?” I scowled at Hill’s shock.   
  
“Someone needed to, and I was the only one that was unrecognizable out of the Howlies.”   
  
“You really made a life for yourself back there,” She said. I shrugged a shoulder, straightening my shirt.   
  
“I thought it would be the last chance at one I’d get.” Hill nodded. I made for the door, but she shook her head once. I frowned.   
  
“What?” I asked, “Can’t we go yet?”   
  
“Not yet.” I lowered myself back onto the examination table, eyeing the door as Hill pulled out her tablet to work.  
  
“…Can you tell me how he is?” I asked. Hill glanced up from the screen.   
  
“Adjusting.”   
  
“Press get wind of it yet?”   
  
“No. Fury is being judicious about how and when they find out. They’ll probably hold some kind of conference, bring him home in style.” I shook my head.   
  
“Steve’s not a pomp and circumstance kind of guy.”   
  
Hill tucked the tablet under her arm, glancing at her watch again before she motioned for me to stand up. I stood, waiting as she opened the door. I stepped into the hall, waiting for Hill to join. She gripped my upper arm lightly, something that had become customary since these little doctor’s trips had started.   
  
“Right this way, Captain Rogers.” I turned on instinct, yanking my arm out of Hill’s grip. I was expecting a yell, or an arm to catch me, but nothing stopped me from saying, “Steve?”   
  
He was there.   
  
Solid and wary and still tall. I saw recognition flash over his face for a moment.   
  
“I’m sorry, do I know you, miss?” He asked. I stepped forward cautiously as if I was approaching a wounded animal.   
  
“Stevie, it’s me. It’s _me_ ,” I said firmly. I reached up, undoing the clasp on my necklace. I reached out, taking hold of his hand and pressing the locket into his palm. He blinked down at it, opening it and looking down at the pictures of himself and Bucky.   
  
“If this is another test,” He said grimly, shooting Hill a look.   
  
“It’s not,” I insisted, “Stevie, it’s— The first time I met you, we were in an alley. You were getting your ass handed to you—“  
  
“Stop it,” Steve hissed, making to turn away from me.   
  
“The first time I came over for dinner with you and Bucky, he made me his mom’s sauce!” Steve stilled, meeting my eyes. I swallowed thickly, going on,   
  
“You told me later that he _never_ made that for anyone but you. That was how you knew it was different with me. That—That Bucky thought I was special.” Steve’s hand tightened around the locket before he reached out, cupping my chin.   
  
“… _How_?” He breathed out before he tugged me closer, folding me into his arms. I wrapped my arms around him tightly, as if he’d disappear again if I didn’t.   
  
“Steve,” I sighed, shaking my head, “I have so much to tell you.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fury was preoccupied with the cleanup, but I was sure I'd be getting a damn earful as soon as he found out Steve and I had made contact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These next few chapters are gonna be kinda Steve-heavy due to the nature of the MCU 
> 
> Not beta-read

"...Did you ever tell us a lick of truth?"

Steve hadn't looked at me in an hour. I turned away from him to look out of the window. The battle of New York had been brutal on the city - I had watched a leviathan fly  _directly_ through the building across from us, only to be punched out of our building's way by what I had heard Hill calling 'The Hulk'.

"Remember, right after we got Bucky back... You two didn't trust me for shit. You guys asked me to tell you the truth, and I told you I was a government from the year 2012?" I swear I  _heard_  Steve roll his eyes.

"We didn't think you were being serious," he pointed out. I shrugged my shoulders.

"Yeah, I got that when you guys told me to cut the shit. Doesn't change the fact that I told you exactly who I was."

"So you were sent back... To change--"

"No. No," I laughed tiredly, shaking my head, "I was never supposed to change anything. I wasn't supposed to find you, but I... I did. I was sent back to see if we  _could_. Course no one bothered to ask if we should. The machine's being dismantled now, anyway."

"Did you know about what would happen to Bucky? To me?" I nodded, unable to help the chill that ran through me.

"I tried to stop Bucky. And I tried to reach you, but they-- Coulson and them pulled me back before they could." Steve nodded solemnly.

"I met Phil. He was a good man," He said.

I frowned, brow furrowed, and opened my mouth, ready to ask what he meant by 'was', but Hill caught my eye, giving her head a small shake.

She'd sat down not too far away from myself and Steve, giving us the illusion of privacy, but close enough to hear our conversation. Fury was preoccupied with the cleanup, but I was sure I'd be getting a damn earful as soon as he found out Steve and I had made contact.

"... So you met Stark, huh?" I asked. The whole world knew that Captain America was back now. Photos and videos of what the world was starting to call 'The Avengers' were splashed across every front page and online news outlet.

"Yeah," Steve said.

"He anything like his dad?"

"Just as cocky, just as confident."

"You get along? You got along with Howard."

"Neither of them is my idea of a good time," Steve said flatly.

"Let's go, Cap." We looked up to see Rumlow coming in with a few other members of the strike team. I diverted my eyes, jaw tightening. I hadn't been comfortable with Rumlow since he'd brought me back. I knew he was just doing his job, but there was something about the guy that I didn't like.

"Sure, just give me a minute," Steve answered. He turned back to me.

"Where are you staying these days?" He asked.

"Here," I said, shrugging, "Fury hasn't let me out of his sight since I got back."

"...Can I see you again?"  He asked. In that moment, I saw the shy artist on his beat-up couch in Brooklyn: someone that was unsure of me, but curious. I nodded.

"I'd like that a lot, Stevie." He nodded before he pushed himself up. He nodded to Hill before he left with Rumlow. I waited until I could no longer hear their footsteps before I turned back to Hill.

"Why does Steve think Coulson is  _dead_?" Hill shook her head, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"It is a long story." I leaned back, brows raised.

"Well, tell me. I've got nothing but time."


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What can I tell you.” 
> 
> “Everything. The truth, from the beginning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These next few chapters are gonna be kinda Steve-heavy due to the nature of the MCU
> 
> Not beta-read

“Pretty sweet set-up here,” I said, walking along the floor-to-ceiling windows. I felt like I could see all of New York - all of the construction, the rebuilding. The hope. 

“Yeah, Stark was nice enough to give us space in here while we work everything out. Here.” I turned, taking the proffered glass of water.

“Thanks,” I said. Steve nodded, standing beside me and looking out over the city.

“Have you gotten to go home yet?” Steve asked. I laughed. 

“My place was… Tossed, totally.” 

“Someone broke in? They take anything?” Steve asked, leaning against the window. I shook my head.

“It was S.H.I.E.L.D., I think. Looking for clues for what I was doing, where I was going.” 

“They thought you had planned on staying in our time in the first place?”  
  
“Not like they could just phone me up and ask,” I reminded him. Steve gave me a tight smile before looking outside. I took a sip of the water, wandering away to look elsewhere.

“I feel like you have more questions for me,” I said. 

“A few,” Steve confirmed. I turned, watching him lower himself to the couch. I couldn’t help the disappointment that flashed over my face. Steve held his hands up in defense before I could say a work, adding, “I just… I feel like I need to get to know you from the beginning.”

“You do know me.” 

“No. I don’t.” I turned back to the window, feeling lower than low. 

“Sorry,” Steve added more softly. I shook my head. 

“I get it,” I said honestly. I turned back to face Steve.

“What can I tell you.” 

“Everything. The truth, from the beginning.” 

So I told him. Everything: who my parents were; growing up down the block from him and Bucky’s apartment; learning about him in school, learning about Bucky’s fall; being recruited by S.H.I.E.L.D. right out of college, going on to leave their training middling, confident in my above-average skill; being contacted by Fury himself for a top-secret mission. 

“That’s what he said?” Steve asked, curiously.

I nodded, repeating, “Deeper than deep cover.” I lowered myself onto the couch beside Steve, watching the sun set over Manhattan. 

“They told me if I wound up stuck, I was supposed to stay put. Go back to the alley I found you getting your ass kicked in every day until they pulled me back. Hill said they almost got me once, too.”

“When?”

“Back in ’41. New Years Eve.” Steve didn’t answer, and I turned my head to look at him. He was frowning deeply, brow furrowed. 

“What?” I asked.  
  
“We were going to Dorthy’s party, at her parents’? She’d just moved out of the boarding house, back home… You had paint splattered on your shoes,” He remembered, chuckling, and I couldn’t help but laugh, shaking my head. 

“I kept trying to tell you and Bucky that it had always been there, that you’d just never seen that pair before.” 

“We knew better, though. That heel had been flapping for a month. We were gonna buy you a new pair that year.”  I tipped my head back against the back of the couch. 

“And then the heater broke,” I recalled. Steve smiled, shaking his head.  
  
“That first night was freezing. We _barely_ fit in my bed,” He said.

“Bucky’s toes were like fricking icicles,” I added. Steve and I laughed at the memory. I shook my head as we quieted. 

“It’s never gonna be like that again, is it,” Steve spoke softly.

“I don’t think it can be,” I said.  
  
“…Could we try?” I turned my head to find Steve watching me, an almost pleading look on his face. 

“Start slow, of course, I mean, a real date, and…” He trailed off, unsure. I smiled, reaching out and taking his hand in mine. 

“Of course we can try,” I agreed, “Besides, we’ve gotta get you used to New York again.” My heart fluttered as Steve raised my hand to his lips, pressing a soft kiss there.

“It’s starting to feel like home already,” He murmured. 


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Wanna give the Cyclone another go?" I teased. Steve shot me a look under the brim of his baseball cap and I grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Let’s start off this week’s chapter with a sincere apology for posting the wrong chapter of a different story 
> 
> And an EXTRA sincere THANK YOU to LSKollt for catching it because I WOULD NOT HAVE CAUGHT THAT
> 
> These next few chapters are gonna be kinda Steve-heavy due to the nature of the MCU  
> Not beta-read

"This is insane," Steve remarked absently. I hummed in agreement. I'd spent the last two weeks helping Steve readjust; informal history lessons, going back to the places we used to frequent, and to some of the places I had lived in my previous life there. Summer was rolling in, and I wanted to take Steve to Luna Park before it became seasonably crowded. 

"Wanna give the Cyclone another go?" I teased. Steve shot me a look under the brim of his baseball cap and I grinned.   
  
“Fine,” I said, taking his hand, “Then come on. You can use that superhuman strength to hit that mallet on the disk thingy and win me a teddy bear.”   
  
—   
  
“Beach isn’t as crowded as I thought it would be,” Steve commented.   
  
“It’s early in the season.”   
  
“Messier than I remember,” Steve commented, stopping and staring into the sand. I followed his eyes, spotting a used tampon in the sand.  
  
“…Yeah, welcome to the 21st century, pal.” I held my hand out for Steve to take. He snorted, taking hold of my hand and intertwining our fingers.   
  
“So, what do you think of Luna Park?” I asked. Steve shrugged a shoulder.   
  
“It’s not bad, you know. I liked that swing ride.” We’d gone on it four times; I’d nearly lost my cotton candy the last time. Every time I caught a glimpse of the Cyclone, I thought of Bucky.   
  
“Think he would’ve liked it?” I asked softly. Steve hummed.   
  
“Well…there about a hundred more games than there used to be… Fluffier prizes, more reasons to show off for you," he ticked off. I rolled my eyes. 

"He showed off for both of us." 

"It was easier, though, after we found you," Steve said quietly. I frowned. 

"Bucky could've won you something if he wanted," I pointed out. Steve shook his head.

"Winning something for your pal once or twice? Fine. But people were suspicious of me and Buck even before we moved in together. It’s one of the reasons he went on so many dates.”

Steve stopped walking, pulling his light jacket off and spreading it out on the sand before gesturing me to sit. We lowered ourselves onto it. I pulled off my shoes, burying my feet in the warm sand. Steve's arm looped around my shoulders, and I closed my eyes, leaning into him. 

"Guy shows off for his dame, though," Steve tacked on, giving my shoulder a squeeze.   
  
I smiled, lifting the massive unicorn plush Steve had won me into both our lines of vision.   
  
“You mean like this?” I asked. Steve laughed, nodding.   
  
“Exactly like that.” I folded my legs, putting the unicorn plush in my lap. We went quiet for a few minutes, watching the sunset and listening to the lapping of waves.  
  
“Are you gonna be able to go back to work?” Steve asked. I sighed, shoulders sagging a little.   
  
“I haven’t been given clearance yet. I think they’re still pissed about the whole time travel…Thing.”   
  
“It’s not on you, you’re not the reason that you got stuck there.”  
  
“Getting stuck wasn’t the problem to them, Steve. I disobeyed my orders.”   
  
“I used to disobey my orders all the time.”   
  
“Yeah, but you’re Captain America. You can do that.” My hand came up, absently fiddling with the locket.   
  
“If Fury doesn’t give you clearance, what are you going to do?” Steve asked. I thought a moment.   
  
“I… Honestly I have no idea. Bartended a bit in college, I could probably go back to that.”   
  
“Would that make you happy?” Steve asked. I shrugged.   
  
“I can’t really afford to be focused on ‘happy’ right now, Steve.”   
  
“Are you going to be in trouble for hanging out with me?” I looked up at Steve, reaching out and taking his hand in mine.   
  
“Better to beg forgiveness than ask permission,” I said, giving him a smile, “And I don’t want to be away from you again if I can help it.” Steve leaned in, pressing a warm kiss to my lips.   
  
“I haven’t seen Agent Hill around you lately,” he commented. I nodded.   
  
“Yeah, she caught hell from Fury when we ran into each other. She told him it was a scheduling accident, that my check-up took longer and yours was supposed to take less time. The security tapes corroborate so he can only be so mad about it. He’s been keeping her busy. Especially with the city clean-up, it’s been all hands on deck. Hey, what about you?” I asked, nudging Steve’s shoulder with my own.   
  
“Think you could be… Happy here?”   
  
“Do you mean here in this time or here in Brooklyn?” Steve asked. I hummed, thoughtful.   
  
“Well, the time you can’t control. But the place…?” Steve shrugged.   
  
“Stark said the apartment I’ve got in the tower is mine for as long as I want.” I grunted.   
  
“Well, he’s already way more chill than his father.”   
  
“Come on,” Steve said, standing, “I’ll make dinner.” He held his hand out, making an exaggerated grunting noise as he helped me up. I scoffed, laughing as I pushed his shoulder.   
  
“Shut up. Do you even lift, Rogers?”   
  
“Do I lift?” Steve repeated, picking his jacket up and shaking the sand out before slipping it back on.   
  
“Well, let’s see.” He took a couple of steps toward me, and I took a couple back, eyeing him warily.   
  
“No. No no no, don’t you— Steve don’t you dare!” I shrieked as he caught me around the waist, lifting me over his shoulder and securing an arm around my thighs, keeping me anchored as he carried me to the boardwalk. He didn’t let me down until we reached the train. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when Do You Even Lift was a meme


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve caught on to modern technology quickly; I wasn't surprised, Steve was a clever man at the best of times. The attack on New York had thrust him back into the spotlight, the likes of which he hadn't known since he'd first gotten the serum and been put on the bond tours.

I knew my novelty would wear off eventually.  
  
Steve and I were two different people in the first place - the difference was further felt in our time.  
  
Steve caught on to modern technology quickly; I wasn't surprised, Steve was a clever man at the best of times. The attack on New York had thrust him back into the spotlight, the likes of which he hadn't known since he'd first gotten the serum and been put on the bond funding tours. There were interview requests, tabloid papers speculating about his relationship with Tony Stark, Instagram accounts dedicated to Steve sightings (@CaptainRogersGetsCoffee was my favorite; it was literally just pictures of Steve walking down various blocks holding a variety of coffee cups and travel mugs).  
  
Between the bar work I wound up getting and the missions Fury started sending him on, Steve and I began to just miss each other. The time we spent together was more about 'the good old days' than it was about out time together now. We weren't as touchy, we weren't close. We didn't stay at one another's apartments. We were like friendly ex's, and while it stung at times, I knew that Steve needed to find who he was in that time.  
  
That first year, Steve and I had a small Christmas celebration with the Avengers. Tony gave me a  _car_ after hearing me complain about the subway one too many times.   
  
That second year in New York, I brought Steve home for Christmas.  
  
It turned out my grandfather had served in the 107th and I had had several narrow run-ins with him in my time in past; in mess-halls, meetings. My family still didn't know what I did for a living, so I was spared of questions, but they spent the night badgering Steve with questions about the war, about growing up.  
  
"They're nice people," He told me later as we sat on the stoop of my parents' Brooklyn brownstone. I nodded.  
  
"They are. I'm a fan."  
  
Steve snorted, taking a swig of the beer he'd been offered, even though the alcohol did nothing for him. I tightened my unzipped coat around myself a breeze blew by.  
  
"They like you," I added lightly, "My mom offered you a second slice of pie, that means she wants you to stick around."  
  
"...Wish I could stay, make her happy." I turned to Steve slowly, frowning.  
  
"What do you mean?" I asked quietly.

  
\--

  
"What's wrong?"  
  
I personally felt like it was a stupid question, but I knew that he was trying to draw me out. I’d been fairly tight-lipped since he’d dropped the news on me. I eyed Steve's suitcases for a few moments from my perch in the middle of his large bed, my knees to my chest, like I could fold myself up and tuck myself in with his shorts.  
  
"...I don't know. Last time I saw your things all packed up, you left as a 5'4 asthmatic and came back a 6'2 super-soldier. Next time, I see you you'll probably be, I don't know... 7 foot even and able to fly."  
  
That made Steve smile a little, at least.  
  
"I can't stay here," Steve said softly. I nodded.  
  
"I know. But the knowing doesn't make this easier." Fury's offer to work with S.H.I.E.L.D in DC was exactly what Steve needed.  
  
"I have no purpose here."  
  
"Not true. The Avengers need you. That whole... Thing with Tony that happened last year, that was intense," I pointed out.  
  
"Stark isn't the kind to ask for help," Steve argued.  
  
"Neither are you. That doesn't mean he doesn't need it. You needed help now and again-- Remember when we met? And you were--"  
  
"Getting the shit kicked out of me, yeah yeah. I had him on the ropes," Steve argued. I rolled my eyes, resting my chin on my knees. Steve sat on the bed, flopping down beside me.  
  
"It's what I need," He said softly, "To be...useful."  
  
I sighed, reaching out and running my hand through his hair.  
  
"You need a break, Steve. Sleeping for 60 years isn't it. You need a chance to just be _you_ for a little while. No battles."  
  
"Battles are all I know." I couldn't meet his eye.  
  
"It won't always be like that," I said quietly. I hesitated before I leaned down, kissing Steve gently.  
  
"Take care of yourself," I added. Steve gripped my arm as I made to pull away.  
  
"Will you stay tonight?" He asked. I bit my lip, knowing it would keep my lip from wobbling as I steeled myself.  
  
"You can't stay here," I said softly, "And neither can I."  
  
I kissed him one more time before I pushed myself off of the bed.  
  
I didn't let myself cry until I was in the elevator and out of sight.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve had been in D.C. for nearly seven months; I got regular updates about him from Natasha, but he didn't know that. I was worried about him getting lonely while he was down there, had asked her to keep an eye out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta-read
> 
> These next few chapters are gonna be kinda Steve-heavy due to the nature of the MCU

"Come on, please? Just for a weekend."   
  
My brows rose at the tone of voice, and I shifted the phone where it was cradled between my ear and shoulder. It was slow as hell at work -- one couple making out in the corner and a regular that I trusted to pour his own drinks from the bottle of Jack I'd left on the Formica-topped bar. I wasn't too far off from it anyway - close enough to make it look like I'd just set it aside to spiral a lemon peel if my boss stepped out of his office. 

Steve had been in D.C. for nearly seven months; I got regular updates about him from Natasha, but he didn't know that. I was worried about him getting lonely while he was down there, had asked her to keep an eye out.

I liked Natasha. We'd known one another before I went back in time; she'd always told me I was in the wrong business. When I'd come back, I'd bonded with her and Hill more than I thought I ever would.

"I'm trying to get him to go out more," Natasha told me the last time we'd spoken, "But it's hard. He's got this little notebook he keeps of things people tell him he needs to look up. I'm pretty sure he's been spending all of his free time either working out or looking things up."

"Steve likes to be thorough."

"I bet he does." That flirty edge to her voice told me Steve had mentioned a thing or two about our past relationship.

I ran my hand over my face, looking around the bar, as if there was someone or something there that needed my help to get me off of this call. I'd been dying to see Steve, but adamant with myself about giving him his space.

"Sounds an awful lot like you're begging me to come and see you," I finally said.

"I am." 

There was a firmness in his voice that I hadn't heard from him in a long time. At least, not where I was concerned. 

"I miss you," He added more quietly. I wasn't expecting that. In all of our other conversations, Steve had nothing but good things to say about D.C., the sparse details of the missions he was going on, the things he got to do and see, some fancy combat moves he'd learned while sparring with Natasha. I leaned against the bar, resting my hand on the phone and sighing. 

"I miss you, too, Stevie." 

"Then come see me. Drive down in that swish car Stark gave you and stay the weekend." 

\---

"You haven't been sleeping well," I observed when he opened the door. He pursed his lips.

"It hasn't even been a minute and you're already scolding me," Steve pulled me into a warm hug before I could say anything else. I leaned into it, sliding my arms up over those broad shoulders and letting myself curl against him.

"Come on," He urged me inside, an arm still around my waist as he led me into his apartment. I whistled, looking around.

"They set you up in a nice place," I commented, looking around.

"I like it. Three times as big as our old place," Steve reminded me.

"And not even half the size of the floor Stark set you up in," I teased.

"I went on a mission last night. That's why I look tired," Steve justified to me. I hummed in understanding, leaning against the arm of the couch and looking up at him.

"Everything go okay?"

"Fine. Fine, just. Natasha..." He trailed off, shaking his head, and I frowned, waiting for him to finish. When he left it at that, I sighed.

"Nat's a spy, Stevie. Not a soldier."

"You sound like her."

"I'm stating a fact. S.H.I.E.L.D isn't _like_ the old days, we can't go back to that. Everything is different now. The way we treat our privacy is different, the way we fight wars is different. And with Loki, in New York? Thor? Gods, demi-gods, magic, whatever the _fuck_ the Tesseract is? The world has changed."

Steve's lips were pressed into a thin line. Neither of us spoke right away.

"I thought Nat was kidding when she told me that not being in the game was driving you crazy," Steve said.

"You two talk about me?" I asked.

"About as much as you two talk about me," Steve retorted. I nodded. That was fair.

"Why don't you talk to Fury about getting reinstated?" Steve asked. I snorted.

"That's not gonna happen, and you know it." I pushed myself off of the arm of the couch.

"We should go do something. What do you wanna do?" I asked.

"Could check out the exhibit." I knew exactly what he was talking about. I nodded.

"Let's go."

"I'll grab my jacket."

"Still can't believe you haven't gone yet. It's been open for _months._ I hear Morita and Falsworth were at the opening," I said, leaning in Steve's doorway as he pulled his jacket on.

"They were. I saw them separately. I can still drink them under the table."

"Only because alcohol doesn't effect you. That is elder abuse, Rogers." 

"Hey, I'm an elder. You wouldn't believe the look the ticket taker gave me when I asked for the senior discount at the movies last week." I snorted, grinning, and straightened up as Steve made to leave the apartment, baseball cap in hand. 

"Hey, Steve." 

We turned at the sound of a woman's voice, and I raised a brow at the sight of a pretty blonde in nurse's scrubs and a denim jacket. She cast me a smile, and I did my best to return it, even as my mind was racing.

"Hey, Sharon," Steve greeted.

She ducked into her apartment before introductions could be made. I could swear I had seen her before, but I couldn't place her. Steve must've taken my furrowed brow and staring at her door for simple confusion.

"My neighbor," Steve explained. 

"I kinda got that when she opened the door to the apartment and went inside." 

"Alright, smart-ass," Steve grumbled. 

"We taking your bike?" I asked, tucking my hands into my pockets. 

"We can, if that's what you want." 

What I wanted was a good reason to hold on to Steve. 

\---

We took the bike.

\--- 

"I still don't understand why they're exhibiting this in the Museum of Air and Space," I commented. Steve had surprised me by taking my hand in his as we walked toward the building. 

"I mean, no offense, but the one time you flew a plane, it didn't go all that well," I added. Steve shot me a look from under his cap, and I couldn't help but snort. 

" 'm just saying,' I mumbled.  
  
I felt Steve tense as we drew closer to the exhibit. The words, ' _Captain America: The Living Legend And Symbol of Courage_ ' were in thick type at the entrance.

"If you wanna go at any point, we can," I offered. Steve nodded, giving my hand a squeeze as we walked inside.  
  
" _The story of Captain America is one of honor, bravery, and sacrifice."_

Steve's shoulders were practically at his ears, head ducked like if he stood up straight, people would know him instantly. I didn't blame him- a baseball cap wasn't the most efficient method of cover.

Drifting through the exhibit with Steve's hand in mine made me think of the World's Fair, Bucky's last night in Brooklyn, and our last night as _us_. 

"Hey," Steve said softly, squeezing my hand and drawing my attention to a photo. I turned to look at it, and I felt my jaw drop. I wandered closer to it, stunned at the sight of a picture of Steve and I. It was from behind the scenes on the bond tour.

I could tell from our positions - my face tipped up and grinning, lipstick smudged, his head bent toward me, hands cradling my face- that he'd just gotten through kissing me fairly thoroughly. The caption beneath the portrait said ' _Captain Rogers with unidentified fan_ '. 

"'Unidentified fan'," Steve read, brow furrowing. 

"Well. I was a fan. Still am, in fact." 

Steve lowered his voice, "Do you think that was... S.H.I.E.L.D's doing? Keeping your name out of things?" 

"If they knew this was listed to be part of the exhibit, they never would've let it through. I did my best to keep my head down and my face out of the pictures back then. I guess this one slipped." 

"This and that picture of you and Howard." 

I hummed in agreement, nodding. Tony had gone through a few of his father's things, finding notes on Steve, me, Bucky, and a newspaper clipping from the World's Fair; a photo I barely remembered with me pulled into a grinning Howard's side; I'd looked like I'd seen a ghost.   
  
"I used to think you were just camera shy. Especially when Bucky borrowed that one from Ernie, to take a picture of you before he was shipped off.

My face go red at the memory, Bucky's careful cajoling as I had stripped down to my bullet bra, garter belt and tap pants ( _"You really think I'd ever let the guys see this?...Aw, baby, no, this is just for me...And maybe a copy for Stevie...Look at you, all flushed. So pretty for me, baby.")_

"You okay?"   
  
Steve's words broke me from my remembrance, and I raised my eyes to meet his. He had a small, mischievous smile and a twinkle in his eye. 

"I'm fine. I was...Somewhere else." 

"I think I know where that might've been," Steve teased, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. 

"Shut up," I mumbled, ducking my head as if I could hide the blush Steve had already seen. 

"Tell you what," He added, "I still have that picture." 

"You do not." 

"Do, too," Steve laughed.  
  
We rounded a corned and both froze when we saw it. Bucky. A photo of his face, that stern moue of his mouth.  
  
" _Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes and Steven Rogers were inseparable on both school yard and battle field. Barnes is the only Howling Commando to give his life in the service of his country."_

Just beside the display, old reels of footage showing Steve and Bucky pouring over maps, of the two of them side by side, laughing despite of where they were, what they were doing. I turned my head, resting my forehead against Steve's shoulder and closing my eyes for a moment. I missed Bucky every day, but that loss always felt little more poignant when I was with Steve. It wasn't fair that he and I were there and Bucky wasn't.

"Y'alright?" Steve asked. I lifted my head, swinging our hands between us and casting Bucky one more look before nodding.

"C'mon," I urged, "I wanna see if they have a bobble head of you in the gift shop."

\---

"You seeing anyone?" I asked. Steve squirmed in his seat, eyes set on his fries. I'd waited until we were well into our meal to start politely grilling him. It wasn't going well.

"No," He said. 

"Not even Natasha? You two seem pretty close." Steve shrugged his shoulders.

"We've been working together a lot." 

"She's attractive, you're attractive--"

"Is that all it takes?" 

"You two are very similar people," I finished, watching Steve, "You're both calculated, quick. I'm not saying being hot is a requirement but it doesn't hurt." Steve grunted, and I could tell it was a dead-end. 

"What about that neighbor we ran into?" I prodded. Steve lifted his head, meeting my eyes. 

"Have _you_  been seeing anyone?" He asked. 

"We're not talking about me." 

"Well have you?" I held his gaze as he stared me down before I shook my head a little bit. 

"No." 

"Neither have I."

"Not even one date? One drink, one dance?" 

"Nope."

"What are you waiting for, Steve?" 

"Nothing. I've already met the right partner. I made the mistake of leaving her in New York." My stomach twisted, and I felt myself drawing away, slouching a little; it was my turn to look down at my fries. 

"Nat's down here with you," I pointed out. 

"It ain't Nat and you know it."

"Steve--"

"I have had... A lot of time to think," Steve said, "And Nat has spent a lot of time trying to set me up." I laughed, shaking my head and raising my eyes to meet his. Steve leaned forward, folding his arms and watching me.

"I haven't just woken up. I have spent time in the 21st century, and I've been doing it without you, and it's awful. If you don't feel the same, that's alright, I get it. I haven't been the best at keeping in touch--"

"You've been working things out. I was trying to give you your space, too."

"I don't want that much space."

"...So what do you want to do? Stay here in D.C.?"

"Work will keep me down here, probably. Headquarters is here." I nodded. Steve bit his lip, thinking.

"I ...Would you come down here?" He asked. He looked shy, nervous. I smiled.

"I think they've got bars down here. I could get a job."

"Wouldn't have to worry about an apartment," Steve added.

"Or a car," I smiled. Steve's shoulders relaxed for the first time since we left the museum. He took hold of my hand, raising it to his lips and pressing a kiss to the back of it.

"Fuck, I've missed you, doll," He sighed. 

"Language, Rogers."


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I could hear Fury’s voice in my head, his warnings before I went on my mission: ‘Ripples’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These next few chapters are gonna be kinda Steve-heavy due to the nature of the MCU  
> Not beta-read
> 
> Warnings: some cursing; a mention of sexy times.

“It took you long enough to get down here.”   
  
I’d been on the end of _many_ of Natasha’s critical side-eyes, but this was a whole new level of intensity. Steve had gone to the bar to get us another round, but it was busy, and he wasn’t about to cash in on his fame to cut the line. I looked back at him, at his hunched, rounded shoulders, trying to blend in like he used to.   
  
“I didn’t think he wanted me here. I wanted to give him space,” I said. Natasha nodded, setting her water down.   
  
“I understand it, even if I didn’t like it. He was pouting.”   
  
“He’s so cute when he pouts,” I mumbled. I sighed, resting my head on my hand.   
  
“I went to go see Peggy,” I told Natasha. She raised a brow.   
  
“You used to never be one to reopen old wounds,” She commented.   
  
“Peggy wasn’t a wound, in _any_ respect. I only wish I’d gotten to see her sooner,” I admitted. I’d cried as soon as the visit was over, before I could even get out of the building - just stopped in the hallway and wept. She was still the Peggy I knew, and she’d been so happy to see me, but in her fits, well. She was happy to see me over and over again.   
  
It was strange, though. I had met her once, when I’d just started out in S.H.I.E.L.D, before I had gone back in time. I reminded her during my visit that morning, and though she could recall every detail of the circumstance perfectly, she couldn’t remember me there at all.   
  
I could hear Fury’s voice in my head, his warnings before I went on my mission: ‘ _Ripples’_.   
  
“How long do you think it’ll take you to get settled down here?” Natasha asked. I shrugged.   
  
“I don’t know, few weeks. Why?” Natasha cast another look to Steve before turning to face me fully.   
  
“Because I have a ... Job that you might be interested in.”   
  
“A job?”   
  
“Something similar to what you used to do.” I was quiet for a moment, eyes narrowing.   
  
“I see...And does _Nicholas_ know that you’re asking me for assistance?”   
  
“Not strictly.”   
  
“Not strictly means not at all.” The glint in Natasha’s eye told me I was right.   
  
“Just think about it.”   
  
“I don’t know if I want to get back in the game, Nat.”   
  
“Bullshit-- Hang on, here’s what’s going to happen next: you’re going to tell me that you’re enjoying tending bar, and then your nose is going to grow six inches.” I leaned back in my seat, folding my arms.   
  
“Whatever you’re going to _try_ and get me in on-- unsuccessfully, by the way-- won’t just piss off the guy in charge, it’ll put your job in danger.” I lowered my voice, leaning in.   
  
“I’m technically a civilian now,” I reminded her.   
  
“And it’s driving you crazy. Hill told me about what you’ve been getting up to.” I felt my face go red.   
  
Had I been helping Hill informally on cases? Yes.   
  
Had I expected her to tell anybody? Definitely not; she’d be in as much trouble as I would be if Fury ever found out. But Hill and Natasha were thick as thieves, and shared a love of rule breaking. I was pulled from my thoughts when Steve set a beer down in front of me.   
  
“Thanks,” I said, smiling. Natasha echoed it as he passed her a beer as well.   
  
“So, what did I miss?” Steve asked, looking between us. I cocked my head to the side, waiting for Natasha to answer. She smiled.   
  
“Nothing. We were just talking about work.”   
  
\--  
  
“Babydoll?”   
  
I didn’t answer at first. I finally managed a questioning little hum, unwilling to open my eyes and wake all the way up.   
  
“That all I’m gonna get from you?” Steve laughed. I felt the bed dip as he settled in beside me. His lips skimmed my bare shoulder as his hand settled on the curve of my hip, warm through the sheets that were covering me.   
  
“...You wore me out last night, Rogers,” I informed him sleepily, pushing my hip up into his hand, chasing his touch. I felt him smile against my shoulder.   
  
“Told you I missed you,” He teased. I chuckled, finally opening my eyes to look at him. I frowned at the sight, however.   
  
“Why are you dressed?”   
  
“I’m heading down to the VA. Told a friend I’d check it out.” My brows rose.   
  
“Steven Grant Rogers, you’re making _friends_?” I asked, feigning shock.   
  
“Don’t be a smart ass,” He laughed before he leaned down, kissing me warmly. I looped an arm around his neck, keeping him close.   
  
“m gonna be late,” Steve murmured. I nodded, letting my arm go slack so he could pull away.   
  
“Have a good time,” I yawned widely, barely able to form the words. He laughed, standing.   
  
“I’ll bring back lunch,” He promised.   
  
“And that’s why I love ya.” Steve swooped in for one more long, toe-curling kiss.   
  
“I love you, too,” He murmured. He pecked my lips once more before straightening up.   
  
“Stop staring at my ass,” He added as he left.   
  
“Stop having such a nice one,” I countered. I heard him laugh before he closed the door. 

 


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ve had a very, very long day, so if you could put the gun down, that’d be great.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some violence mentioned; not beta-read.

“Call me when you get back,” Steve said. I watched him lower my bag into my trunk. I’d told him four times I could do it myself- it was just a duffel for crying out loud. But ever since I had agreed to stick around, Steve was being…Careful with me. Like anything would change my mind.   
  
“I will,” I promised. Steve closed my trunk before he turned to me.   
  
“C’mere,” I urged softly, nodding him closer. Steve drifted closer, curious. I smiled, sliding my arms around his middle before I leaned up, brushing my lips against his. I smiled as I felt his hand slide up my back, pressing me against him as we kissed.   
  
“I’ll be back next weekend,” I mumbled against his lips.   
  
“Mmph,” Was Steve’s concise answer, and I laughed, unable to help it. I leaned back, smiling.   
  
“Keep yourself out of trouble, would you? And don’t be mad at Natasha for doing her job.” Steve didn’t make any promises, but I knew not to expect them by now.   
  
“You’ll come back next weekend?” He asked.  
  
“Yes. You can keep your head down for one week, can’t you?”   
  
He couldn’t.   
  
In fact, he didn’t.   
  
I knew he didn’t when I was shaken awake at 3 in the morning. I wasn’t even thinking when I pulled the gun out from under my pillow and pressed it to the hollow of the intruder’s throat. The shaking stopped immediately, but it was followed with,   
  
“I’ve had a very, very long day, so if you could put the gun down, that’d be great.”   
  
“Hill?” I asked groggily, lowering the gun as she asked. She flipped on the light on my nightstand, casting light around the room. She looked like hell: tired, face drawn.   
  
“What’s going on?” I asked, pushing myself up.  
  
“Fury’s been hit, and Steve’s been declared a fugitive.”   
  
“…God, one week, I asked him for one week,” I grunted, dropping my gun onto the bed and getting up to dress.   
  
“What condition is Nick in?” I asked.   
  
“…It could be worse,” Hill said after a moment, “Look, I need you to understand something.” I turned to face her, frowning.   
  
“I’m reinstating you as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, not as anyone related to Steve. If you can’t be impartial about this, you’re not coming with me.”   
  
“Are you being impartial about Fury?” I asked. Hill pursed her lips.   
  
“I’m going to be worried about Steve, but I will do what you need me to,” I promised. She nodded.   
  
“You can’t contact him, S.H.I.E.L.D is monitoring all communications in and out of the city.”   
  
“Explains why you came to get me instead of sending a text that said ‘all’s gone to hell, come and get your idiot’,” I commented, tugging my shirt on.   
  
“You got any other weapons around here?” Hill asked, looking around. I shot her a look before I nodded to the bedside table.   
  
“Two Glocks in there, ammo, too. False bottom.”   
  
Hill pulled them out, tucking one into her holster before passing me the other, as well as to the one I’d pressed to her throat earlier.   
  
“Welcome back,” She said with a small smile. I scoffed a laugh, tucking on gun into the back of my jeans.   
  
“Gee, thanks.”   
\- - -   
  
“How are we going to pick them up?” I asked.  
  
“I’m still tapped into comms,” Hill said.  
  
“Are there any leads on who put the hit out on Fury?”   
  
“Nat and Steve are chasing that down. There was an explosion last night at Camp Lehigh.” My brows rose.   
  
“That’s where Steve went through basic.” Hill cut me a look before turning back to the road.   
  
“I need you to get to Nick’s and grab a few things. Do you think you can handle that?”   
  
“Sneak in and out of my ex-boss’s apartment which is likely being monitored by people that wanna kill him? Yeah, no sweat,” I said. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Hill’s tired smile.

\- - -   
  
“Hill mentioned she was bringing you back. I thought she was joking around to make me smile.”  
  
“Did it make you smile?” I asked, sliding the backpack off of my shoulder and dropping it beside his hospital bed.   
  
“I think I might’ve actually laughed, but that might’ve also been the drugs kicking in,” Fury said.   
  
I turned at the sound of boots thundering down the hall, and my hand moved to my gun. I relaxed when I saw Hill pushing back to the makeshift curtain, with Steve, Natasha, and someone I did not know behind them.   
  
“What are you doing here?” Steve asked.   
  
“What do you think?” I answered, stepping away from Fury to meet him in the middle. I expected him to hug me, but instead he took me by the shoulders, eyes searching my face.   
  
“Steve, what—“   
  
“I saw him.”   
  
“Saw who?” I asked, shaking my head. He swallowed thickly.  
  
“I saw Bucky.”

 


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I groaned, turning away from Steve and running my hands over my face.
> 
> “This is like every science-fiction nightmare I’ve ever had rolled into one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Some violence; not beta-read
> 
> I just wanted to throw out there that I appreciate all the kudos and the comments and I know I'm REALLY bad at responding to comments and I'm sorry about that but pls know that if you've left one I've probably read it 100 times and it's made me feel wonderful, so. Yes. Thank you!

I couldn’t speak.   
  
Steve had run down every moment- from the soldier ripping the steering wheel out of Sam’s car to the man’s mask falling off.   
  
“...You’re sure it was really him?” I finally managed.   
  
“Who else could it have been?” Steve asked incredulously.   
  
“There are face masks that exist--incredibly thin. They can change the shape of someone’s entire face. I’ve seen Natasha use them on missions before. She could walk up to you, disguised, you’d have no idea it was her.”   
  
“I _heard_ him,” Steve said firmly, “He looked right at me and he didn’t even know me...Didn’t even know himself.”   
  
I leaned back against the railing, folding my arms over my chest.   
  
“Steve, Bucky...He’s gone. You saw him fall.”   
  
“I thought Zola was gone, too,” Steve snapped. My brow furrowed, and I watched him school his face into calm.   
  
“ _What_?” I asked quietly.  
  
“Natasha and I chased a lead, back to--”  
  
“Camp Lehigh. _That_ was the explosion? It was Zola?”   
  
“He uploaded his consciousness.” I groaned, turning away from Steve and running my hands over my face.   
  
“This is like every science-fiction nightmare I’ve ever had rolled into one.”   
  
“I’m not exactly enjoying it, either,” Steve mumbled, leaning against the railing beside me. I lowered my hands from my face, looking down.   
  
“Let’s say...For argument’s sake, that this is the result of whatever was done to Bucky in Krausberg,” I said, “Maybe he was injecting with something...Like your serum, like whatever was given to Red Skull. But this one worked.” 

“And HYDRA found ‘im,” Steve said. His jaw was clenched, and he was staring dead ahead, as though he could bore a hole through the wall with his eyes. 

“I should’ve gone after him,” He shook his head.   
  
“Steve,” I started, but he straightened abruptly.  
  
“He would’ve been _fine_ , we all would’ve been-- You should’ve told me he was going to fall.” I felt my stomach twist, brow furrowing.   
  
“Oh--So this is my fault?” I laughed, stunned, “I tried to tell you and Bucky about who I was and neither of you believed me--I _told_ him not to get on that train!”   
  
I didn’t even realize how much I was raising my voice until I heard it echoing around me; until I saw Steve’s face fall. I took a step back, taking a deep breath to steady myself.   
  
“...What’s the plan?” I finally asked.   
  
“It’s going to be a little dangerous,” Steve admitted after a moment. I smiled.   
  
“It always is with you.”   
  
\---  
  
“Has he ever come up with a worse plan than this?”   
  
I laughed as I pulled on my bulletproof vest. Sam Wilson was gearing up himself, wearily eyeing Steve and Natasha and Hill where they were speaking.   
  
“He has, actually. A few,” I said. Sam shook his head, folding his arms. 

“So he and Bucky, I got the feeling they were...Close?” He asked gently. I smiled at the phrasing.   
  
“They were very close. All three of us were.” The man’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head.   
  
“You and Steve and...” I nodded as he trailed off.   
  
“Just how old _are_ you?” He asked, brow furrowing. I grinned.   
  
"Not as old as Steve,” I laughed. 

\---  
  
“You can’t go after him--” I ripped my earpiece out, shoving it in my pocket. Running was impossible; I was limping as fast as I possibly could toward the riverbank, where I had seen Steve fall.   
  
The helicarriers were down, and S.H.I.E.L.D’s secrets were spilled, and we’d mostly made it out in one piece.   
Mostly.   
  
I had watched Steve fall from the last helicarrier and without thinking of my own injuries or safety, I had just started to run. I didn’t have a _plan_ ; I probably couldn’t swim (at least not with two cracked ribs and a bullet wound on my left thigh), but I had to do _something_. I couldn’t lose Steve again, not without trying to get to him.   
  
But then there he was, on the riverbank. Unconscious, soaking wet.   
  
But not alone. I froze at the sight of Bucky standing over Steve. I couldn’t stay quiet for long - I didn’t know what this man, whoever he was now, was going to do. He made to move and I gasped, unable to hold it in.   
  
His eyes snapped to mine. I hated myself for ever doubting Steve for a moment. It was Bucky. I brought my hands up slowly, showing that they were empty before I reached to unclasp the locket from my neck. I held it up before I tossed it to him. He caught it wordlessly, looking down at him. I swore I saw a flash of recognition before he disappeared.   
  
I moved as fast as I could, but he was out of sight.   
  
“Bucky?” I heard Steve’s tired voice rasp. I wobbled, practically falling to Steve’s side.   
  
“Steve?” I asked, cradling his bruised and bloody face. My hands shook as i tugged my earpiece out of my ear and pulling it on.   
  
“I’ve got him! We--We need medical, now!” I snapped, looking around for landmarks to direct Hill and the team to us.   
  
I swore, the whole time, it felt like he was watching me, lingering nearby, like he was making sure Steve and I got out of there alright. As soon as the sirens began to wail nearby, the feeling of being watched was gone.   
  
“What were you thinking?” Hill snapped, hauling me up by my shoulders as a medical team looked after Steve. I hissed in pain at the sharp movement.   
  
“I needed to find him,” I said simply, turning my head a little to look at her. Hill’s lips pursed. I knew I’d get a talking to later, but right now, there were more important things to worry about.   
  
“Come on,” She said, wrapping an arm around my waist, “Lean on me.”


End file.
